Before I came to SA, lust was destroying my sense of self. My lust was always self-directed. I could fool myself into thinking I was finding fulfillment in an image or in another person, but only God could fill that hole in my soul. My thinking that I could fill my need with another person who has my identical emptiness was delusional; it only magnified my emptiness. I was trying to find myself in another person, but I can only find my true self in God.

What drew me to SA was the promise that sex can become optional, and that I can live a life of integrity—free from the labels that my lust wants to pin on me. What I’ve found in SA is a fellowship where I can become an integrated human being, not defined by the particular way in which lust has manifested itself in my life.

I’m thankful to God for providing me with a fellowship that seeks “to restore the instinct for sexual intimacy to its proper place for reproduction and maintaining healthy ties with a spouse” (see “SA to the Newcomer,” under “How Can I Stay Sober Without Some Kind of Sexual Outlet?”). My lust was life-destroying rather than life-giving.

Through SA, my Higher Power offers me the gift of a God-focused sexuality rather than a person-focused sexuality. I pray to accept this focus every day. I need SA to continue to challenge me to grow into a full, healthy, and balanced masculinity, rather than the stunted and self-seeking version that I lived for so long.

What I don’t need is to be told to define myself by my own specific form of lust, for I have all of modern society telling me to do that. For me, same-sex attraction is just one of many forms that lust can take. I am grateful to be part of a fellowship where same-sex lusting and acting out is not consistent with sexual sobriety.

I came into SA freely of my own accord, because I knew it was the only program that offers me what I truly need to become the man God created me to be. Tomorrow I may freely choose to leave SA, but today what I need is SA’s unique program of progressive victory over lust, in whatever form it takes.