This autumn, I’ve been raking leaves in the yard and on the driveway. As I pull the piles of leaves together and get ready to put them in the wheelbarrow, I find the same refrain running through my head: “I want to quit doing this!” In practice, I just keep raking. However, at the same time I can feel myself forcing the raking to continue. I’ve come to recognize that “I want to quit!” thoughts are predictable, and I can surrender them to God and ignore them if I want to get the job done.

I’ve also come to realize that I often have the “I want to quit!” thought whenever I’m doing something that involves discipline. I swim for exercise, and at some point about halfway through my routine I think, “I want to quit!” As with the leaf raking, I just keep going, and the thought goes away.

When I get in the car to go to my SA meetings, I’ll have the same thought, although the timing is a bit different. It’s about half an hour before the meeting that the “I want to quit!” thought comes along. “I’ve gone to enough meetings this week.” “I’ve gone to meetings for over 25 years—maybe it’s time to quit.” “I’m not struggling with lust today—I’ll skip the meeting.” And so forth. All are variations on “I want to quit!”

Once I’m on the road to the meeting, the thought begins to ebb. When I sit down in a chair at the table, I’m just glad to be there. It’s a gift! And the “I want to quit” thought does not return after the meeting. It won’t reappear until a short time before the next meeting.

There are several other regular appearances of “I want to quit!” Before going to meet with a program person or someone in my profession, I’ll have the thought. When the mail arrives and there are bills or letters to deal with, I’ll have the thought.

What helps is realizing that from time to time I simply have the “I want to quit!” attitude. I have come to realize that this happens when I’m doing something that takes discipline or demands that I keep active for awhile. I still have a default desire of wanting to do less or just loll around. So “I want to quit!” really confirms that I’m doing something that matters and that finishing it will benefit me. In other words, “I want to quit!” only comes to my head when I’m doing something important.

Although “I want to quit!” can still rattle my brain, today I recognize that it’s a gift from my Higher Power, reminding me that I’m doing something that matters. All I must do is to keep trudging and let the thought drift away. And I thank God for the reminder of what’s important. Whenever I do the next right thing, it turns out to be what I really wanted all along.