“I want to quit” is in my mind nearly every time I go a pool to swim laps. I have learned that “I want to quit!” means that I’m doing something that matters and that finishing it will benefit me. Only when I’m doing something important does my “I want to quit!” thought come to my head.

Just the other day I went for my usual swim. I swam through the “I want to quit” feelings, and decided to swim at a fairly leisurely pace instead of pushing myself. To my surprise, I found myself intermittently doing flip turns at the end of laps. In fact, after doing twenty laps I had done more flip turns than since I was in college decades ago.

As I got more tired from swimming, I found myself being critical that I was not doing a flip turn every time. Then I realized I was violating my own cardinal rule to only count the times I DO something and do not count the times I DON’T DO something. Instead of being thrilled that I had done so many flip turns that night, I was being negative about the turns I had not done! That is ridiculous, of course.

Often I have done the same thing with sexual sobriety. Instead of counting the lust-free hours, days, and years, I focus on the most recent body part or fantasy in my brain. Instead of gratitude for another day of sobriety and being useful, I worry about something I did not do for my wife or work. Like the AA Big Book story “Acceptance is the Answer,” I am viewing things through my magic magnifying mind instead of rejoicing in how I have succeeded each day.

My sponsor said to wear our SA program as a loose coat, not a strait jacket. We also can appreciate the changes we actually make in our personal and family lives instead of taking off on a barrage of self-criticism. This is an easier, softer way and also the path that allows me to maintain my conscious contact with God rather than focusing on my failings or vulnerabilities.

I am so grateful to do any flip turns while swimming laps. I will let God decide how many I can do each time and just relax. If I can have such a psychic change while swimming, I am sure I can have one like that while living life each day. Especially if I keep practicing these principles in all my affairs.