Surprised by Joy and Freedom in Recovery

The 5th convention of Sexaholics Anonymous was held in Moscow with the theme “The 4th Dimension of Existence.” Participants were from Ukraine, Belorussia, UK, Germany, USA, Iran and Russia. There were about 70 registered participants: 50 men and 20 women. The average age of Russian-speaking sexaholics was 25-40 years. The groups of Sexaholics Anonymous began in Russia only in 1999. Foreigners sober 15 to 20 years were much older in sobriety than Russians. So the foreigners were something special to share with us. Their spiritual experience was much brighter and richer.

I was surprised seeing a lot of women recovering from this addiction. There were a lot of speakers’ meetings where long-term sober people shared their Experience, Strength and Hope. The speakers made an emphasis on what life had been before the program — how they had suffered from obsession of mind, desperation and hopelessness. The spoke of what had brought them to SA and what their current life and feelings in sobriety were. They also shared insights about the Step work.

The atmosphere of the convention was warm and friendly disposing to openness and sincerity. I was striving to absorb all the information like a sponge. But I was wary of adhering to some male-object. For that reason I strove to communicate more with women. There were a lot of attractive young men. But God gave me sanity and my attitude to them was friendly. I treated them like anonymous brothers and sisters, like people who have the same problem as I have. I was interested in relapse prevention and what actions I should take in order to avoid relapses and not to return where there is no return. I realized I have a lot of denial and I underestimate my disease despite having done the 12 Steps of Sexaholics Anonymous.

The convention became an impetus for me for further recovery from sexaholism. People are ashamed to talk on the subject matter of sex. It is not easy to work the SA program for those Russians who were born in the USSR, when this topic had not been discussed by anyone anywhere, even in the family with close people. However, the times change and there is more freedom of word in Russia nowadays. It is possible to talk openly and frankly about the most intimate and hidden things, even when you are heard by a lot of people. And also not being misunderstood and mocked at the same time. I am really grateful to the Higher Power, that She gave me this disease, which gave me an opportunity to grow spiritually, and led me to happiness, joy, true love and freedom.

Unexpected Friendliness and Warmth!

Hello! My name is Oleg K. and I am a recovering sexaholic from Toliatti, Russia. I was really blown away by such an amiable and a warm atmosphere during the Moscow SA Convention, which I had never expected to get anywhere else. I really appreciate all our brothers and sisters coming from distant cities and states. I will do my best in my work in the Info Committee to set up a Convention 2016 in Moscow as well. And you are all really welcome to join us in the mutual party!

In fellowship,

I Just Need to Be Myself

Greetings! My name is Galya and I am a member of SA from Odessa, Ukraine. I have been sober for 11 months and 23 days.

I became a member of the SA group one year ago, my recovery began with Step Zero, with attending a Skype group “Freedom.” Almost at once, Higher Power helped me to find about an SA working group. My Higher Power and the group gave me a chance to be helpful, to serve, and it played a major role in my recovery. In half a year I took part in a convention, arranged in Moscow in November 2015.

The first thing that impressed me was that I was met at the railway station and saw my name written on the poster. I could not help admiring, because the poster was drawn with colored pencils. I felt that I was worth being waited for and I was glad to be seen in Moscow.

One of the most important events for me became the moment of meeting with my sponsor. Finally I saw my sponsor face-to-face, and not via Skype. Thirty minutes before the convention began, I had told my sponsor about my Second Step. There were other women from SA from different cities in the room. While being involved in such a process, God gave me courage and trustworthiness, and I felt united with those people around.

While participating in the convention, I volunteered a little. I registered the participants, wrote their names on the badges, and gave food coupons. One person offered to relieve me so I could listen to the Speakers, but eventually he did not appear. At that moment I thought, “I could sit here and just become angry, but I also could try to pray for him.” Being angry was more habitual and understandable. But possibly a half a year in the program caused a real miracle and I chose a prayer. I got a real gift from God while praying. I caught myself thinking that the most important things were happening with me, while I was communicating with my Higher Power. I needn’t to be worried about having missed something. The most precious and important things were happening while I was praying. The process of praying changed my heart and it filled with humility and warmth. It helped me to look at this situation anew and feel gratitude to the person that never came to relieve me. I was basking in the sun’s light that came across the window; I felt the presence of God and His care.

I knew there would be guests from different countries but I didn’t think how I could communicate with them or register. I am not an English speaker so everything I could offer was only my smile and gesticulation. I even do not know what they thought about it.

I had to always look for someone to translate for me. The Higher Power cared about this and constantly sent to me people who were ready to help with interpreting. I am grateful for such an experience as it helped me to comprehend I do not have to be perfect and to know everything. The only thing required was that I had to surrender, recognize myself powerless and find the courage to ask for help. I hope I was helpful the way I am for people and God during the convention.

During one of the meetings, I had to speak about Step Zero as there were guests from other countries. All the speaking sessions were translated into English and my little speech also. It provoked some new feelings and emotions, because I have never been translated before. As a rule, only very experienced speakers are translated. At that moment I felt embarrassment, excitement, guilty, and uneasy with God, as He did not teach me to speak foreign languages. But I spoke from my heart and He helped me to listen and see the unity of us.

One speaker impressed me with his natural grace and freedom as he was looking directly into our eyes openly and with tenderness. I still hide my look while talking about myself to the group. My inner critic and judge do not yet let me live free and be glad. But seeing those pioneers, hope appears in my heart, the hope for freedom. Right now I know that God forgives me and I am His beautiful child He cares about.

I just need to be Galya.