Dear ESSAY

To the Essay:

After six years of continuous struggle in Sexaholics Anonymous, my Higher Power granted me the gift of sobriety. My sobriety date is the 5 September 1993.

In retrospect, there were three concepts, obstacles that were beyond my resources, but not beyond my Higher Power’s Grace:

1: How to sit with pain.

2: To understand that recovery is a marathon, not a sprint.

3: I could not “think” my way into solving the answers to sobriety. This is a dis-ease of the emotions, not the intellect.

To reach the point of surrender that was needed, I truly believed I would never achieve sobriety. With great sorrow, I embraced defeat. Roy K. wrote “I simply knew I had to stop, no matter what the cost.” The night before the gift of sobriety, AA co-founder Bill W. cried out “In agony of spirit, in helplessness and desperation, I’ll do anything at all.”

I knew I would never be sober. But, if I could have tomorrow a Higher Power-centered day and be of some small service to another suffering sexaholic, even if I acted out the following day, I would humbly offer that one day to my Higher Power.

I did not share during a meeting for six months. I listened with an intensity that was God given. During that sixth month I realized I was given the gift of sobriety. I am a sexaholic. I was a sociopath — a very low bottom street sex drunk. I have known jail (multiple petty larcenies), psych-hospitals, and a previous lifetime of failures. But I now know “amazing Grace, that has saved a wretch like me.”

Bob H., Virginia, USA

From the Essay cover artist:

For this cover, as an avid traveler and SA meeting maker, I loved the theme SA and Travel. For the cover, I gathered SA reading material with a vintage map as the backdrop and a vintage suitcase I’ve used to travel with to embellish Traveling & SA Recovery. The back cover continues this old travelers map theme as a backdrop to our precious serenity prayer. Within the Steps and Traditions, a photograph of a road trip is displayed, the intent was to show what might be the safest form of traveling at the moment.

Christian M.

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