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In my addiction, lust took over my life. Indulging lust in some way was constantly in my mind. Every day, all day, lustful thoughts were occupying me. I was always looking for opportunities. This preoccupation was driving me crazy. I couldn’t stop on my own; for four years I tried. There was a trail of broken promises to myself, and my self-worth was so low I was suicidal. One day – it was a birthday of mine – I thought, “Instead of looking for lust online, why not look for help online?” Right away I found resources to start recovery. Why had I waited so long? That day I put a porn filter on my computer, and soon after I started to go to SA meetings.

From my first meeting I had an SA sponsor. In those early days I called my sponsor every day. I went to a meeting every week, and soon, I went to two meetings a week. I found physical sobriety with the help of my sponsor, the meetings and my Higher Power. I thought I was all set, but some things were still not right. I occasionally looked at pornography. I still thought about women and stared at them. I was not yet well.

From my attendance at meetings, I started to learn helpful habits. I started making gratitude lists, praying for the people I lusted after, letting go of resentments, and making sobriety and my relationship with my Higher Power my highest priority. I started to get better emotionally. I needed less lust-medication. My sponsor helped me to be accountable by the standards of the 12-steps. I kept learning and letting go.

I learned that there is such a thing as emotional sobriety. I became emotionally sober when I let go of resentments and when I acknowledged my feelings, especially anger. I realized that I wasn’t the center of my world. I didn’t need to get my way in everything. If my wife was tired, I didn’t need to demand sexual relations with her. Sex was optional. There was a greater value, and that was love.

I learned to serve the fellowship. I became open to having sponsees; more importantly, I started to exhibit a health that sponsees wanted for themselves. I became more tolerant and patient with people, and also tolerant with myself, more accepting of my own weaknesses. I no longer acted as though I was the God of my life, always certain that I knew what was best for me. I became humbler. As I got further away from lustful habits, I started noticing other character defects. It was like peeling an onion. I couldn’t see the layer below until I addressed the covering layer. My Higher Power was removing character defects as I became willing to surrender them. My 12-step program is now so much more than physical sobriety, but I had to become physically sober and stay sober before I could make progress on the great journey of inner sobriety and peace.