[The following article is from a member in a large metropolitan area.—Ed.]

The autonomy of individual SA groups (Tradition Four) does not extend to matters affecting the fellowship as a whole. Nothing is more basic to the SA fellowship as a whole than what has come to be known as the SA sobriety imperative. The sobriety imperative is the thing which makes SA unique among several 12 Step programs dealing with sexual addiction. The SA sobriety imperative may be summarized as follows:

(1) Sexual sobriety is the essential foundation for any true and lasting recovery.

(2) Bottom line sexual sobriety is defined by the group conscience of the entire SA fellowship, not by individual members or groups.

(3) Bottom line sexual sobriety, for members of SA, means freedom from any form of sex with oneself or with partners other than the spouse.

A group that unilaterally departs from these tenets is not necessarily wrong, but it is no longer an SA group, no matter what it may call itself.

SA does not claim that its sobriety definition is the only route to recovery for every sexual addict—it apparently is not, hence the other 12 Step programs that allow individual members to define their own bottom line sexual sobriety. For some lust addicts (including me), however, the SA sobriety imperative is essential to recovery. We do not impose the SA sobriety definition on anyone who is unable or unwilling to accept it, but we do seek to preserve it in SA for ourselves.

I am concerned that sobriety has become more of an option than an imperative in our area. With the tacit approval of their groups, many who regularly attend our meetings either ignore the SA sobriety imperative, or “interpret” the SA sobriety definition to suit their own particular circumstances. The most common situations are members who claim sexual sobriety even though they are sexually active in so-called “committed” relationships, but I have also seen attempts to justify masturbation and sex in admittedly uncommitted relationships as consistent with SA sobriety. What results are 12 Step groups in which individual members are defining their own bottom line sexual sobriety, but which curiously insist on calling themselves SA.

I have been hesitant to openly raise this issue in the past, partly out of a codependent fear of confrontation, but also out of my desire to preserve SA unity. (Tradition One: “Our common welfare comes first, personal recovery depends on SA unity.”) But if a group does not adhere to the SA sobriety imperative, it has no SA unity. It may have unity of some sort, but not SA unity. Knowingly or not, such a group has separated itself from the larger SA fellowship and has created disunity for those of us who require the SA sobriety imperative as part of our recovery.

Can you imagine the result if a group of us so-called SA hardliners joined one of the other programs and insisted that everyone in those meetings adhere to our bottom line sobriety definition? I would consider that an improper affront to that group’s unity. But in SA the same thing is happening the other way around. It is precisely because the SA sobriety imperative is essential to my recovery that I choose to attend SA meetings and to work the SA program, rather than one of the others. I therefore feel justified in openly asking: Are the meetings I attend SA meetings, or are they something else masquerading under the SA name?

I am not saying the SA sobriety definition may never be changed or reinterpreted, only that individual members and groups may not properly bypass the fellowship-wide group conscience in doing so. The SA sobriety definition is not for everyone—It “will and should discourage many inquirers.” For those of us who need it, however, the SA sobriety imperative is the essential lifeboat that is carrying us away from the sinking ship of our sexaholism. The typical lifeboat is not an ideal ocean-going vessel, but those fortunate enough to be rescued from the Titanic did not tread water while trying to arrange for a more comfortable means of transport. If you want to get into the SA lifeboat, you are welcome. We can discuss its seaworthiness once you are safely aboard. If you prefer a different means of rescue, that is fine too. But please don’t remain in the water, pulling at the sides of our raft, rocking it, and potentially tipping it over. For some of us, the SA lifeboat is the only alternative.