Often my willfulness asserts itself, and I have been learning the following ingredients of surrender.

Desire. This is number one. If I don’t have a sincere and honest desire to maintain sobriety, I won’t.

Willingness. I am willing to do whatever is necessary to achieve sobriety. I swallow my pride and listen to my sponsor’s direction. I may kick and scream but I need to be willing to follow through.

Awareness. Thank God for my accountability friends, my sponsor, and my therapists. They have helped me become aware of what is going on inside of me. Now I have the opportunity to acknowledge what I see. I work on it, making new choices, and turn decisions over to God. Without awareness, I would not be able to accept who I really am, and sobriety and recovery would escape me.

Conscious (Constant) Contact with God. To surrender to God, I need to be aware that He is unfailingly in control, walking with me, and loving me despite my faults. God’s love and affirmation are crucial to my moving forward in recovery and this contact is where I embrace and assimilate Him into me.

Yielding of My Will to His. Most of my life, I asked God to “take away” my lust, but I was never willing to give it up to Him. I had not fully accepted my powerlessness and resisted turning my will over to God. I would turn it over, then take some back. My sponsor dubbed it “defiance,” and I add to that “rebellion.”

I finally learned the difference between surrender and willpower. Willpower is managing and surrender is not managing. Willpower depends on my power, not God’s. Surrender is what only God can do in me if I let Him. True surrender is totally letting go, a mindset to do God’s will always, not mine.

All or Nothing. Surrender is all or nothing. The nature of my addiction is such that I cannot surrender most, or almost all, and expect to succeed. My surrender must be total, complete, and unconditional. No reservations. I can hold nothing back.

An Attitude, State of Mind, Mindset. Surrender is moment-by-moment for every thought, feeling and action throughout the day. I call it “micro-surrender.” A micro-surrendered mindset prepares me for triggers that appear. It keeps me focused on the emotional, mental, and spiritual forces acting upon me.

Action. Surrender involves action, seeking God’s way instead of my own when presented with choices. I cannot have it both ways! I relapse when I acknowledge surrender in my head, but do not take the action I know I need to for sobriety.