My name is Brian. I am a recovering sexaholic. On a Thursday afternoon seven years ago, I was arrested in a police internet sting. Step One reads – “We admitted that we were powerless over lust – that our lives had become unmanageable.” Being arrested and publicly shamed illustrates in the most obvious way that my life had become unmanageable. That afternoon, I had a gun pointed at my head. I was put in handcuffs and sat inside a police wagon. I was interrogated by detectives who had no interest in hearing my explanation. All this before I even got to the County Jail.

When I finally arrived, the jailers stripped me, examined me, and performed all of the other perfunctory tasks they do. They just didn’t put me in a cell. No, I was shown a chair in the hallway and told to sit. And there I sat and stared into the abyss. I was in shock, and numb. I wish that I knew how long I sat in that chair. Probably not as long as I thought. I did have the feeling of being utterly alone. I thought of my wife and kids. I was pretty sure that she would be gone. When I was finally put into a cell, I broke down and cried.

Once I finished crying, I prayed to God for the first time in years. My prayer was probably a plea for a second chance rather than a prayer. But a second chance is what I asked God for. I was bailed out of jail sometime Thursday night and released in the early hours of Friday morning. My wife was waiting for me. I asked God for a second chance at life, and He had my wife waiting for me. As Step Two says, “We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” I have believed that was the message being given to me at that moment. My actions, the actions that led up to this moment, weren’t healthy. Those actions would never bring happiness.

I went to my first SA meeting that Saturday. I was scared and terrified. I did not know what to expect. I was sure that I would be shown the door if I shared my story. I could not have been more wrong in my assumption. The man who would become my first sponsor, pulled me aside to read from the White Book. We read, among other things, the Twenty Questions, where I would answer “yes” to all twenty. He had me read the Twelve Steps and I knew I had already seen Steps One and Two in action. I hadn’t realized it until then.

I have been sober for the last seven years and have seen the highs and lows in life. I would spend eighteen months in prison. I’ve made new friends and changed my outlook on life. And every day, I try not to squander the second chance that I was given.