Before joining the Program, my life was spiritual vagueness, white knuckling, and shame, a darkness inside me where I was lost. I was afraid all the time – of myself, the future, and other people.

My relationship with God was like a one-way road: I asked, He fulfilled. I tried the spiritual path alone, I was unsure. I had doubts about God, I developed my own theology, a dream-maker god! By not putting God as a Higher Power I became an all-knowing and powerful person. I suffered delusional thinking and false expectations, believing I was in control along with God! How crazy I was. That has changed.

The Program helped me to obtain serenity, courage, and wisdom. All that happened during Steps Zero through Three. I have grown from a shaky man to one who is more able to do the next right thing and leave the outcome to God – serenity.

Serenity is a strange word which means quietness and calmness. How can someone reach serenity while the world around him is raging? Serenity does not mean lack of fear. It means accepting our own limitations as humans. Steps Zero and One showed me how sick I was and how lust ruined my good days. I also realized that I couldn’t change what happened in the past. It did not matter how much I fought, I could not change that I was sick with same-sex lust, that I had no control on my own health, that I had no firm grip on my financial future. I finally accepted that my life was unmanageable, that I was powerless over lust. I had to admit my defeat to myself.

When I reached that level of weakness and defeat, my heart opened to the solution. I was walking the path that would work for me. Step Two taught me that only a Power greater than myself can restore my sanity! This Power was revealed in the group, the people, my sponsor. Deep inside I knew that God was helping me, however my vision was blurry! Without the people sharing their experiences, I would be lost! I was certain that the Higher Power was working through these people.

In Step Two, I learned that God is my Higher Power. He is able to speak to me through group sharing, through daily reflection, and through my own prayers. He is changing me day after day. He is close to me now in many different ways. Although I have not reached the level of complete spiritual awakening, I am sure that my soul is more awake today than yesterday!

Step Three was not an easy Step as it required faith as a priority and trust absolutely. I had faith, but I did not have God. As I did not trust Him fully, I was not able to establish any willingness to completely surrender to him. I don’t claim that I know how to surrender completely, but know I am growing in that direction!

In short, my journey shows that I am powerless over my life, lust, and personal defects; I need a Power higher than me to take me back to sanity and help me to overcome my weakness; and I must trust Higher Power, which I call God, to enable His power in my life!

Before the Program, I had 21 months of not acting out physically. However, I was actively consuming Lust. All that has changed now. Today, I have progressive victory over lust and I enjoy sobriety. I have the tools now to overcome lust: Surrender, Share, Pray! The entire SA people are with me. I am never alone, and for sure I am not lonely.

At the moment, I am sponsoring other SA members. Instead of abusing them mentally, I put myself out under the light and show them my defects without shame! I speak and share freely. The Program brought light into my heart and helped me to clean it. I am less pained by my history, and more accepting of my condition of being a lust addict.

The Steps helped me learn how to properly love my wife and how to deal with her. I treat her with love and I give her actions of love. I also more appreciate the presence of my family in my life. I really see how valuable they are to me. I feel that I am sober and well, now. I’ve been sober for nine months and my sobriety has no pressure on me. Finally, I feel I can enjoy my life.