My Biggest Challenge is My “Stinking Thinking”

My mind, my thinking, is sick. It creates continuously judgments and prejudices. These are distorted ideas and beliefs about what is right and what is wrong. I judge the events in my life and believe they should have been different. I judge other people, I judge myself, I judge God. I cannot trust my thinking or judgement.

What I need in my life is more awareness and less thinking. Consciousness is behind the mind, unmasks the thinking, is without judgment, and is directly related to the God of my understanding. Meditation is a form of bringing more awareness into my life.

Consciousness is always in the NOW. And the NOW is what I have to fully embrace, with no judgment. When my thinking, and my ego, flee from the NOW, they can go in three directions: thinking about the past, thinking about the future, or fantasizing. All three directions are a form of intoxication that clouds my life.

The program often speaks about “one day at a time,” which, in my opinion, points to the importance of the present moment, the NOW. Surrender only works in the NOW. An intention or plan for surrender in the future is nothing until I do it right NOW.

In my experience, lust is always a form of resistance. The questions that help me when I feel lust coming up are: What am I resisting? What judgments do I have? When the resistance is exposed in my mind (and sometimes I need others for that) and I give up the resistance, the lust disappears and gratitude takes its place.

Thank you for this opportunity to share.

Allard G., The Netherlands

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