Knowledge and pride have been big obstacles in my working the Program. “Knowing the Truth,” as mentioned in our White Book (SA 91), has been another obstacle. As I accumulated calendar sobriety, I was unsure why I kept feeling anxious about lust.

Blindly following others and hoping their recovery would somehow magically rub off on me didn’t work out for me so well, because I kept the scared, lonely parts of myself hidden and untouched. Thus, I needed to do service, to do what didn’t come naturally, and become willing to put others first. The fellowship gives me strength and support, and when I accept it, I receive love.

I had to ask myself whether I was engaged in a “followship” or the Fellowship, which is spiritually working on my defects and learning new attitudes, motives, and skills. I had to get clear on my purpose for meetings and group involvement, which is to help clear away my inner obstacles to Real Connection.

I had to identify my weaknesses, and with Higher Power’s guidance, develop enough courage to leave them behind and develop each weakness’s opposite virtue. I had to start doing service, to do what comes unnaturally, and to become willing to put others first.

I continue to need this deeper level of surrender, which will deepen my humility and courage. Only when I do this can the Fellowship teach me discipline, honesty, integrity, and practical tools to become saner and well.