A reflection on 30 years of working the Program reveals a life worth living.

Thirty years ago today, August 8th, 1995, I walked into a church, sat down in a room full of strangers, and said: “My name is Bill and I’m…” Thirty years ago today, I started on a journey called Recovery.

Since that Tuesday night in 1995, there have been hundreds of such meetings. There have been phone calls, emails, and face-to-face conversations. I’ve done the readings, labored through the writing, acknowledged my darkest secrets to others, and knocked on doors. I decided and continue to decide to turn my will and life over to the care of a Power greater than myself. And the trajectory of my life has changed in ways beyond what I could have imagined.

I am grateful for sponsors and sponsees, for daily renewal partners, for everyone I’ve heard speak at meetings, for a great therapist, for the love and support of my parents whose hearts I broke, for my kids, and for friends. Most of all, for my wife who endured the unspeakable pain I caused her and yet chose to stay with me—forgiving but never enabling.

In college, our gospel choir sang a song that said, “Just look where I’ve come from; I’ve come a long ways.” My God, that is SO true for me. When I walked into church that evening 30 years ago, I was a broken man with little hope. I’d been brought up to believe that God’s grace and mercy were for everyone, but I wondered if I was His exception clause. I wasn’t. I’m not, and I have seen great events come to pass for me and through God’s work in me. I’ve had the honor of sharing my strength, hope, and experience with countless others. They said, “God could and would if He were sought.” I sought. He did.

Yet, that song continues, “I still have a long way to go.” True again. I’m committed to a lifestyle of rigorous honesty, yet often fall short. I struggle to truly trust and rely on God. Resentment, fear, and selfishness have yet to be fully evicted from my life. Recovery is a journey, not a destination. I’ve had triumphs and I’ve had setbacks.

My name is still Bill, and I’m still in recovery, but today, I’m overcome with gratitude, wonder, and joy. Soli Deo Gloria!