Taking other people’s temperature was a gateway into lustful intrigue.

I had no idea what the phrase “quit playing God” from Step Three meant. I thought it meant quit demanding people behave my way, and that circumstances go my way. It definitely means those things, but oh, so much more.

I had to quit reading people’s minds and watching their attitudinal dispositions. When someone said hello to me, I would study their facial expression, body language, tone, inflection, etc., to determine if they were happy, sad, mad at me, or afraid of me. I was taking their temperature to see how I was doing. I later realized that lustful intrigue works the same way: I would take note of someone’s tone and facial expression, and interpret their words to mean they were attracted to me. Images in my head could begin to emerge. 

The Big Book says that we could not differentiate the true from the false. That was because I believed these constant guesses, assumptions, and intrigue about what I guessed was going on inside others. What was I to do?

I asked God to remove any lustful or codependent thoughts from my mind. I waited until my mind was blank. Then, I quit watching and reading into people’s nonverbal communication. Step Ten says I should be watching what’s going on inside me, not what’s going on in others. Then, I listened only to what they are actually saying and doing, trying to take it only at face value. I asked and listened to how God would want me to respond. 

Lastly, if it’s codependent, I state with belief that I am doing the right or wrong thing based on how God would have me be, not on how people would have me be. For lustful intrigue, I state with belief in my soul the reality between that person and me, such as, “There is absolutely nothing between that person and me, and there never will be.” 

I have never been so mentally, emotionally, and spiritually detached from the two-headed beast of codependency and intrigue. What peace! Thank you God!