I like to look up definitions of key words found in the Twelve Steps, using a 1934 Webster’s Dictionary, which was current when the Big Book was published, and then create drawings for them. Step Eleven has lots and lots of words! I could see a lot of important words in there, but for me the two most important words were “conscious contact.”
I have often heard talk about the need to “hit bottom” in order to get sober. But what is this “bottom”? I’ve heard members share that they hit bottom after being arrested or losing a job, or after a spouse threatened divorce or actually filed for divorce. Yet these members continued to act out.
Lately, I have not performed well at my job. I’m worried that I’ll be laid off. I’ve feared a layoff before, but this could be it.
A few years ago I decided that I would not call myself sober if I engaged in “lust-driven use of the Internet.” My particular disease has not (so far) included prostitutes, affairs, or even masturbation, but I recognized that, at least for me, the act of clicking that suspect link is a “drink” that triggers my own disease and insanity.
Recently, I was blessed to participate in another member’s Step One inventory. After the member shared his inventory, someone asked him, “What could be the consequences if you continue down this road of addiction?”
My first experience with pornography was at age six, when a teenage boy in the neighborhood showed it to me. This became a secret we shared. He used the bond of secrecy to lead me to an isolated location so he could molest me. Early on, I became a sexaholic.
I was born with a fatal kidney disease. It wasn’t diagnosed until I was 22 years old. Once it was diagnosed, my doctors could keep an eye on it and help me learn how to live with it.
Recently I had an exciting opportunity in my recovery—something I had never done before. I was invited to tell my story to a group of Russian SAs. Did I travel to Russia? Not exactly. Am I proficient in the Russian language? No way. Was this all a dream? Sort of. Let me explain.
I was born in 1947, the middle of five children in a Catholic family. My oldest brother died of a mental illness when he was 30. I don’t remember much of my childhood, except that I seemed to be in a constant state of fear.
In August 2010, a prison psychologist in Mercer, PA contacted SAICO to inquire about SA’s support for prisoners, and I responded to the inquiry. The psychologist informed me that the prison administration for the State of Pennsylvania has mandated that all 27 prisons implement Twelve Step recovery programs for sexual addiction.
