Self-Supporting through Profits on Newcomers?

An article in the December 1996 issue of the Essay mentioned that while it only costs three dollars to publish a copy of the SA White Book, we charge ten dollars in order to raise enough funds to keep SA operating.

Since most books are purchased by members, this is not a serious problem. Concerning sales to non-members, however, especially newcomers whose lives may depend on getting a copy of this book, I believe it is inappropriate to sell these books at over a 300% mark-up.

Tradition Seven states that SA groups themselves ought to be fully self-supported by the voluntary contributions of their own members. If our own members cannot support their own groups, then the groups ought to disband. We should not continue at the expense of the poor sick newcomers.

In my home group, I expressed my concern that from now on newcomers should receive books at cost. I offered to pay the difference myself if the group had any reservations about the expense. The group conscience decided that newcomers to our group will be given the opportunity to purchase a book for two dollars.

Over the years I have been in SA, I have seen many newcomers come and go — and some come back! Many have balked at the price of ten dollars for a book. Some simply didn’t have the cash on them and planned to buy the book the following week when they returned. Some never made it back. Others took a book promising to come back next week and pay for it. And some of them never made it back. Do we need to add the burden of a stolen book to the other baggage they are carrying? Our purpose as a fellowship is to help other sexaholics, not add to their suffering.

I encourage those in SA to consider this issue and to encourage members to throw more in the basket. You get what you pay for. If a dollar’s worth of recovery is all you want, go ahead and throw your buck in the basket. If you want to take another step toward wellness, start being responsible and donate a reasonable amount each week in order to help our fellowship continue to exist in a healthy way. We should not be relying on newcomers and other non-members to meet our financial needs.

Reproduce Loose SA Literature for Sale to Other Members

I was reading the article about increasing the Essay circulation on Page 1 of the March 1997 issue. I would suggest that the loose literature be photocopied and sold at SA meetings. The proceeds could then be sent back to the SA Central Office. It could be sold for a little less than by Central Office, since there is no post and packaging involved. I’m thinking especially of:

• Essay;
• Notes on the Early Origins and Growth of SA;
• Some Opinion, Medical and Personal, on the Physiological Aspects of Male Sexual Abstinence.

This literature has helped me a lot. I thought I could only take so much of it at one time, but now I read it regularly. I look forward to receiving the Essay. The “Notes on the Early Origins and Growth of SA” gives me a sense of being part of something alive and growing and it gives me great hope. The “Guidelines for Group Recovery” have been helpful to me personally, although it didn’t help me very much when I tried to push them on someone else.

“Some Opinion, Medical and Personal, on the Physiological Aspects of Male Sexual Abstinence” reassures me that abstinence is not abnormal and that I won’t die without sex.

I have yet to read all of “Discovering the Principles,” but we had occasion to refer to it a couple of times at our intergroup and I found it very useful. All these have helped enormously, but some members are still unaware they even exist.

Children at Conferences?

I would like to address the issue raised in the March 1997 Essay regarding the restriction on allowing children at SA conferences.

I share the writer’s concern that this might not have been a fellowship-wide decision. Indeed, it seems that SA as a fellowship has not done a good job of taking business matters to the entire fellowship. I would therefore hope that this issue be decided by the fellowship as a whole somehow.

And when it is, I would like to see children remain excluded from SA meetings and conferences. I attend another 12-Step fellowship where children are allowed to attend meetings. What is a convenience for the parent or guardian is a distraction for many who are there. A crying or unruly child threatens our common welfare (Tradition One) and distracts us from our primary purpose, i.e., carrying the message to the sexaholic who still suffers (Tradition Five).

Furthermore, children do not qualify for SA membership, in accordance with Tradition Three, unless they are of the age at which they can articulate their need to be there. Finally, the decision for a member to have a child, which I believe is laudable, is still an outside issue on which SA should have no opinion, except when it affects SA groups or SA as a whole, as this issue does. SA has no business being involved in a parent’s responsibility.

I need a safe haven where I can face myself. Children in meetings threaten that safety. I have no problem with child care being provided for certain meetings or events, however.

Appreciating Beauty

I have a concern about something I read in an Essay of a year or two back. A member related that after 10-plus years of sobriety, he could now look a woman in the face and appreciate her beauty, without repercussions to his sobriety or serenity.

Is this the kind of ideal we want to supply to the fellowship? That you can, after 10-plus years of sobriety, actually start to enjoy looking at beautiful women?

I recently realized that one of my biggest triggers is beauty. I always get really scared when another program member speaks of a woman’s beauty. I fear that I will rationalize my own thoughts on beauty. My last binge was totally predicated on the beauty ideal. I don’t even want to try to describe it. It’s very close to the seat of my addiction.

I also see others that I feel are still going through the very same feelings about beauty that I had (and still do), and I get very afraid for them. Some are slipping constantly, rationalizing beauty as if it were like a beautiful flower. We are not floweraholics, we are sexaholics. The beauty myth is deadly to us.

My concerns about beauty have raised a storm of debate, but I must raise my hand and stand fast. Discussions about anyone’s beauty, and beauty appreciation, have no place in this group.