I came to SA having been sober in AA for 17 years. In AA, I never celebrated my anniversary. I felt that the “numbers” would distract me from being aware of what is really happening with me — my inner thoughts and feelings.

When I came to SA I adopted the practice of giving my sobriety date at every meeting because I thought it would help to let other members know what state I was in regarding abstinence. I also thought it would help me to feel accountable to others and give me a simple way to focus on the common goal of abstinence.

The sobriety date has proven to be very helpful. For one thing, when I got to SA and read the White Book, I found I needed to set new boundaries regarding sex with self. I thought I had been free from masturbation for two to three years prior to coming to SA, but I found I needed to firm up those boundaries.

There were times in the past two years when the quickest deterrent to thoughts of acting out was the thought that I would have to change my sobriety date if I did. Being accountable to the group was helpful, because not acting out sometimes came more from a desire to save face than a desire for the inherent benefits of abstinence. But in all cases, the desire for sexual sobriety was the underlying basis for my abstinence, even if I couldn’t always bring that desire to mind as quickly as I could the sobriety date.

So I’m grateful for the practice of telling my sobriety date, and celebrating anniversaries. I found that, after I received my one-year chip, occasional feelings of panic and fear that “I don’t think I can do this” entirely left me. I attribute this to the power of the group — my Higher Power speaking through the fellowship.

There are some things about the sobriety date, however, that I wish could be changed, or at least acknowledged more often. One is that the sobriety date relates to external acts only. If I am to be really lust free, I must be so in thought and word as well as in deed, and in emotion, imagination and intuition as well. The sobriety date measures only the deed.

This is understandable, because experience in the inner life is harder to measure than external, physical experience. The external deeds are easier to observe and count. But I need always to understand that abstinence is only a beginning. I need to use physical abstinence as an external shell to mold my inner thoughts, feelings, emotions and intuitions.

Only in this way will I grow spiritually. Physical abstinence, as valuable as it is, is not an end in itself. It is only a means to a total healing of the whole person, and a total growth in honesty and love. If I forget that, then focus on the sobriety date might sometimes indeed be the distraction from awareness of the inner life, which I feared.

I heard the phrase “technical sobriety” at an SA conference. This I take it is a term that describes only the external aspect of sobriety — the aspect the sobriety date measures. In order to avoid lapsing into “technical sobriety,” I need to always remember that the issue for me is lust. And the sobriety date does not, cannot really, measure lust, and so falls short of being a complete measure of sobriety.

Our sobriety definition includes “progressive victory over lust.” But how can one measure lust in units that can be counted? I need always be aware that counting sober days, meaningful and helpful as it is, is only a token of my sobriety. It says nothing definite about my inner life, though it may suggest something about it.

For the sobriety date to really do its duty, I must use it as a mere beginning. As Recovery Continues says, “Abstinence is about stopping. Recovery is about starting.”

What do I start? Being honest and harmless. In thought, word and deed, emotion and intuition. That’s a good beginning, which will take me a long way.