The Newark Motions

A good deal of discussion within the fellowship over the last several months has centered around the issue of whether or not the SA sobriety definition needs to be clarified. The SA sobriety statement reads: “In defining sobriety, we do not speak for those outside Sexaholics Anonymous. We can only speak for ourselves. Thus, for the married sexaholic, sexual sobriety means having no form of sex with self or with persons other than the spouse. For the unmarried sexaholic, sexual sobriety means freedom from sex of any kind. And for all of us, single and married alike, sexual sobriety also includes progressive victory over lust” (Sexaholics Anonymous, pages 191-192).

Some believe that stating the definition in more specific terms would enhance SA unity, while others maintain SA unity is best served by the definition as it is currently stated. Regarding this issue, two motions were passed at a joint meeting of SA Board of Trustees and the Delegates at the SA International Conference in Newark in July.

1. Moved to accept the recommendation of the Board of Trustees to seek input from the fellowship, defined as regions, Intergroups, and groups, as to whether any clarification of the SA sobriety definition is needed. Delegates will communicate with each other about results two months and one month before the next International Conference.

2. Moved to affirm the SA sobriety definition as published in the 1989 edition of Sexaholics Anonymous. For information on plans to implement Motion #1 in your area, please contact your Intergroup representative or regional delegate.

Working with Minors in Recovery from Sexaholism

At the Inter-Fellowship Forum (IFF), representatives of four of the sex addiction recovery programs met to promote a spirit of cooperation with the primary purpose of reaching the still suffering addict. One S-fellowship presented a draft of suggested guidelines for dealing with minors attending meetings of their fellowship. Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) has some valuable experience with minors. Here are some of the suggestions that were offered by the participants:

Tradition Three of SA tells us that anyone who wants to stop lusting and become sexually sober may be a member. If a minor presents himself to a group and wants recovery, SA needs to find a way to help him. Tradition Five says the primary purpose of the group is to carry our message to the sexaholic who still suffers. I don’t believe that meetings should be exclusive clubs or havens for me or any other sexaholic. Meetings are a vehicle for the group to reach out to any sexaholic who is in trouble. Regular members of a group have access to their sponsors, other sober members, and the program. I don’t believe regular members should use meetings to resolve pressing issues. Meetings primarily are for the newcomer, even if he is under age, to find an answer to the problem of sexaholism.

Some members have expressed reluctance to speak openly about some of the details of their acting out in a meeting that includes minors. Why do we talk about the details of the past in meetings? The AA Big Book says we discuss “in a general way what we used to be like.” Why aren’t we telling the truth about our lives today? Personally I talked about the details of my daily acting out for six years and could never find any relief from lust and compulsive sex. Now I try to focus on what turns up as I work the Steps. Sharing about how I am wrong or weak today keeps my ego in check much more than talking about how I acted out ever did.

Any issue related to helping a minor sexaholic can be settled by group conscience. There are some practical measures that can help everyone. The group can discuss whether to allow a minor to attend. They could form a special meeting for the minor. If a minor needs a sponsor or someone to drive him to meetings, the group, by group conscience, needs to appoint members to those roles. Volunteers in this case are not the best candidates to help a minor. Whoever does help the minor might consider meeting with the juvenile’s family or guardian.

There are some legal issues. It is illegal to discuss sexual issues with or in the presence of a minor in some states. Some of our members are not allowed by the courts to be in the presence of a minor.

A group could form a meeting for young people exclusively. One avenue for meetings for minors could be to hold the meetings in reform schools, jails, prisons, or treatment centers that have large programs for young people. One S-fellowship has been sending adults into institutions to chair meetings for juveniles. They report that the professionals who run the programs for youth have helped a great deal. The same fellowship wants to open those meetings to youths who have been released from treatment or correction and want to continue recovery. They also would like to make the meetings available to young people who have never been in the institution where the meeting is held.

Most juveniles who are sex offenders of sexaholics do not have a place to go after they are released from treatment. Some can’t afford to get professional help. Most do not have access to a meeting where they are comfortable.