This Step is the beginning of a life-long process of self-appraisal and accountability. If you continue in this journey, you will have many more opportunities to review your conduct, motives and shortcomings, and take action to change. I rarely listen to a sponsee’s 5th Step without discovering another example of how my defects of character injured me or someone I love.

Pages 62 through 70 of the book Alcoholics Anonymous describe precisely how to do the 4th Step. There is an example of how we inventory our resentments on page 65. You will need a fourth column on this list. If you write in a form with two facing pages this may be easier.

First, make a list of the persons, institutions and principles at whom you are angry. I recommend doing this on a separate page so that as new resentments come to mind while you are writing the inventory, you can add them to the list without losing your train of thought. List the persons at whom you are resentful and each cause in two columns on the left page. Draw a line down the center of the right page and label the third column “Affects my:” There should now be three columns labeled just like those in the book. Leave the fourth column empty at this point. The five items commonly used in the third column are listed on page 65: (1) self-esteem, (2) security, (3) ambitions, (4) personal relations, (5) sex relations. Follow the instructions thoroughly to complete the first three columns.

After you complete the first three columns, continue reading to the third paragraph on page 67. “Referring to our list again. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes.” This is what you will place in the fourth column: “Where had we been (1) selfish, (2) dishonest, (3) self-seeking, and (4) frightened?” For each example you have listed in the first three columns, you will now write in the fourth column which of the four mistakes you made in connection with the resentment. List as many as apply for each resentment.

In Alcoholics Anonymous we are instructed how to address our fears. You will want three columns for this part of the inventory. I recommend that you use the entire page for the first column in which you write a description of your fears. Draw a line down the center of the right page, creating the second and third columns. In the second column write out what is affected: (self-esteem, security, ambitions, personal relations, or sexual relations.) In the third column write out the mistakes, as we did for our resentments: (selfish, dishonest, self-seeking.) We already know we are frightened. You have now reviewed your fears thoroughly and put them on paper.

“Now about sex.” This paragraph at the bottom of page 68 invites us to look at this area of our life in a realistic, non-shaming fashion. “Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it” (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 69).

These questions are not rhetorical questions. I found that when I made a list of the persons with whom I had sexual relationships and wrote a paragraph for each one answering these questions, I had a very useful insight into the nature of my disease. For those of us who have acted out anonymously, it may be useful to write about “the prostitutes,” “the anonymous partners,” etc. collectively in a single paragraph, using these questions to identify recurring themes. If there are any particularly painful, disgusting, or arousing (yes, I still wanted to drink from that poisoned well) episodes, be sure to address them individually. Do not be afraid of seeming boastful; your sponsor can call you on this when you take the 5th Step. At this point be as thorough as you possibly can. It’s the one thing you gloss over now that may take you back out next month or next year. Remember, when this work brings up overwhelming feelings, take a break and get support.

“In this way we tried to shape a sane and sound ideal for our future sex life. We subjected each relation to this test—was it selfish or not?” (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 69)

After taking the 5th Step, you may wish to talk with your sponsor about writing down a sane and sound ideal for your future sex life.

After you have answered the questions, continue to the end of the chapter which suggests actions to improve future relations. The White Book also has an excellent chapter on the 4th Step. When you have completed this, you are ready for the next Step!