Dan N. was my sponsor. He died on June 22nd at his home in Kimberling City, MO. Having tried unsuccessfully to work the program on my own my first five years in SA, I decided after a terrifying night of acting out that I needed to work the Steps with someone who was successfully staying sober, had a way of solving his problems that worked, and had a peace of mind that I didn’t have. Dan had what I wanted, and was willing to share what he had with me. He was very kind and honest with me, got me on track with the Step work, listened to my personal problems, and shared the practical wisdom from his experience of what worked and didn’t work. I am very fortunate to have had Dan in my life, especially at the exact moment when I needed someone like him the most.

Dan came into SA in the summer of 1988 in San Diego. He had a quiet strength and presence in the meetings that let us know that this was a safe place to be, and one where we could find the solution to the problem of sexaholism. He was whole-heartedly dedicated to the fellowship and principles of SA. The program had allowed him to find freedom and peace of mind, and to practice these in his daily life. By his actions and attitudes, he gave back to the fellowship what it had given him. Dan was very supportive to both the men and women in the program and actively encouraged others to do service, often reassuring them by saying something like: “Don’t worry. It’ll be fine. Remember, you’re not in charge of this service work any more than you are in charge of lust. God is in charge, and you just need to do your job by getting out of the way and letting Him do His job.” Dan spent a tremendous amount of time and energy connecting with God. He spent hours copying handouts, putting together Step studies, getting people the literature they needed, working in the intergroup and on the international level, and was the main organizer of the first San Diego International Convention in 1992.

Dan would sometimes say that the people in the fellowship were like “God with skin on” to him, and you could see this by the way he treated them. He helped nurture fellowship opportunities by regularly going out to dinner before his home group meeting with whoever wanted to join in, was available as a temporary sponsor via email for those suddenly left without one, and kept in contact with people who had dropped out of SA or moved away. SA’s strength in San Diego is what it is today in large part because of what Dan gave to it. Dan’s sobriety, peace of mind, acceptance of himself and other people, and inspiring wisdom came from his constantly asking God what He wanted him to learn or do with the feelings, problems, and joys of his life, and his taking the time to be quiet and listen for the answers. The kind of life that Dan lived in SA has made recovery a possibility and a reality for many people. I feel he is still sponsoring me today.