Before joining the Program, I didn’t realize how mean I was to my wife. It’s not that she’s perfect; after all, she married me. But something would happen, I’d get angry because something wasn’t going right, and I’d yell at her. I’d often blame her for things she had nothing to do with. Or I’d just yell at her because I was upset.

When I’d been in the program a couple of months, one of the men told me about the “Yes Dear” program. At first, it sounded to me like letting my wife walk all over me. (I was very much focused on, “As God’s people, we stand on our feet.”)

It took some explanation for me to realize that, like surrender, it didn’t mean giving in. I slowly realized it was more like leading with my weakness. I finally got that it was a “service begins at home” sort of thing. Being of service doesn’t just apply to the fellowship, coworkers, or strangers on the street. Being of service should begin with family.

This required a change of attitude. I stopped worrying about what I might get out of it, like trading my doing something for her for her doing something for me. That never worked out very well anyway. Instead, when she asked, I was willing to be of service and do what she asked as best I could.

• Rule number one—When your spouse asks you to do something, get started on it immediately.
  This doesn’t mean in a few minutes or a couple of hours, or when you’re finished with what you’re doing. It means drop what you’re doing and do what she asks. Now! And no grumbling! If you’re feeling resentful, get to a meeting and pray for an attitude change.

This approach seems to work out much better than the tit-for-tat approach. I’m much more at peace not worrying about what the score is and whether I’m getting my fair share. I get to be of service without an agenda, which means I have less to keep track of. In the end, she’s much more grateful than she ever was before. And I get to “look good” without even trying!

• Rule number two—Do something nice for your spouse and don’t get caught.
  Take the initiative. Don’t wait to be asked. The more often, the better.

Now I look for things I can do. Sometimes, she’s left for work without making the bed, so I make the bed. Sometimes, I find clothes in the dryer, so I take them out and fold them. I don’t put them away because I can’t seem to remember where anything goes. I take out the trash and clean up the kitchen if it’s needed. I’ve found that my spouse is much more willing to do something for me when I ask (politely), and is much more forgiving when I forget something. She told me I’m becoming the man she hoped she’d married.

• Rule number three—Bring flowers every week.
  This is my own addition to the “Yes Dear” program. I’ve never met a woman who didn’t like getting flowers.

Life has been so much better for me since I signed up for the “Yes Dear” program. I suspect your life would improve, too. But then, this is a program of suggestion, so you’ll have to decide for yourself whether to sign up.