I just wrote the following statement in my journal, and it caused me to burst into tears: “A male friend called me on Monday and asked me how my job search was going.”

As I wrote this line, my eyes welled up with tears. I wish I had a father who would ask me how my goals are going; how what I endeavor to do is going. I feel like making a project of just looking for a father figure, because my own dad is too broken for me to lean on as a daughter to a father. But I’m afraid to trust another man who’s my father’s age because I’m afraid his investment in the relationship with me would be to take advantage of me like the other men in my history. Then I would lose my sobriety, and everything else I’ve received from my Lord as gifts.

My heart and my ears ache to hear from my parents words of encouragement that are too few and far between. Crying……… I need to move out. I keep hoping for something. Some kind and gentle word. Crying………

A proverb says “Hope deferred makes the heart sick.” God, show me your love. Tell me you really love me.

I feel better now that I wrote this and cried a bucket of tears. My tear balloon was too full and needed to burst. Thank you SA for listening; it gives me comfort to share my pain.