I had been triggered. I was stressed out. I was working my program, but I was in an ugly place. I wanted to vent and complain. I felt justified and was going to let the world know about it. I made a program call. Before I could finish my super-charged rant, I was stopped by a simple, yet powerful question: “So what character defects are showing up right now?” I was stunned! “Character defects? My character defects?”

A chain will always break at its weakest link and I was experiencing a breakdown. I was upset. I had lost my serenity. A weak link had been exposed and had broken. I didn’t want to look at my part. I had given the responsibility for my reaction and my upset to someone else.

Thanks to a perfectly timed question, I was brought back to reality. The energy of the conversation immediately shifted from blame, justification, and resentment to the cause of my distress: I am the key (SA 133). I looked in the mirror and saw my glaring defects.

As I began talking about the defects that fueled this situation, I found a mixture of control, resentment, impatience, and fear. In the past, all I needed to do was add a bit of lust to this mix and I was acting out.

Through recovery I am learning to give up my will. When I do, my control, resentment, and fear are replaced with surrender and acceptance. Through recovery I realized that the injury was only in my imagination (SA 48) and that I was using resentment to avoid seeing the reality of my own actions. One small step at a time, one day at a time, recovery has enabled me to connect to a power greater than myself, and when I trust in my Higher Power, I experience hope, faith, and serenity. Once again, God is doing for me what I could not do for myself.

I no longer fear looking in the mirror. Today, I see so much more than my ugly character defects. In prayer, I express gratitude for the character that I have been blessed with. Just as addiction was destroying my character, recovery is strengthening it. Today my prayer is to let God use my hands to do his will. Recovery is a beautiful thing!