I began my recovery from sexual addiction three years ago by joining an online sexual addiction forum. That forum helped, but for me it wasn’t enough. Then I joined a Twelve Step phone conference offered through the forum. That helped more, but twice I relapsed after a seven-month clean streak. I realized that long-distance support wasn’t working for me; I needed face-to-face support. So just over a year ago, I joined SA.

It took some time for me to adjust to face-to-face meetings. At first I hated the meetings. I hated sharing with “no cross-talk.” I wanted to tell everyone about my problems, then I wanted them to give me the answers. Instead we’d go around the room and people would share about their own struggles with lust—and nobody gave me any solutions to my problems! I am only now beginning to appreciate this. As an addict, one of my biggest problems has been keeping things to myself. I’ve learned that just plain sharing is a big part of the solution.

Another part of getting sober was just going through the motions, even when I felt stupid doing them. I’ve called people to say that I was having a lust attack, or just to say hello. I started calling people often enough that they started calling me back.

Many times I sat down at my computer determined to look at pornography, and determined to not call anyone. But just at that moment someone would call to say that he was having a lust attack, or just to say hello. I didn’t have enough sanity to call for help, but I had enough common sense to pick up the phone and admit that I needed help! Then my friend would offer some direction, like, “Get away from the computer. Get out of the house and go for a walk.” I listened and took action. I would not have one year of sobriety today without accepting direction.

A lot has changed in my first year. I used to feel as if I were possessed by a demon; I felt forced to masturbate about once a week. I haven’t had this feeling in a long time. Also, whenever I sat down at the computer, I would hear a voice in my head saying, “Porn, porn,” and I felt compelled to look—no matter what was going on in my life. Thank God and thanks to SA, I usually don’t hear this voice anymore.

In the past I suffered from terrible mood swings. Today, these mood swings are less frequent and less extreme. Using the SA tools of recovery, I can usually let go of a resentment in a few hours that once might have lingered for weeks. I can sometimes surrender lesser resentments on the spot.

Not only are the negative aspects of my life starting to go away, but positive things are beginning to happen. I had been working freelance for about 10 years, which basically means that I was wasting a lot of time on the computer and not earning any money. I recently got a regular job with regular work and a regular pay check. It’s not the greatest job in the world, but it’s a step in the right direction.

In addition, I’m part of a program for Jewish studies. I spent years learning on my own because I thought no one else was smart enough to learn with me. Now I recognize that this attitude was a result of my sick desire to stay isolated, so I’ve become more involved with other people and learning with them, rather than judging their capabilities.

For years I resented the head of my program for not recognizing my great talents as a teacher and putting them to use! But lately I’ve been able to put aside my resentments and accept things as they are. I even got up the courage to discuss this matter with him—and, not long ago I was able to substitute for him when he was away.

I’ve been attending a Hebrew SA group in my neighborhood. At first, I felt uncomfortable with the language and didn’t want to return. Yet the other fellows made me feel welcome and accepted—we had SA in common! Since then, I’ve been able to put aside my fears. I’ve become more comfortable reading publicly in Hebrew. I’ve even led meetings. In fact, when I celebrated one year of sobriety, I was able to speak in Hebrew for half an hour—and they seemed to understand what I said.

My marriage has also begun to change. For example, I had been disturbed about the family dynamics at dinner time and I recently told my wife how I felt. I shared my feelings very politely and without placing blame. Later in the week my wife asked, “So what are we going to do to change dinner time? You said you didn’t like it.” I felt, though, that I didn’t need to change it anymore! I just needed to tell my wife how I felt, and that alone was healing. Of course, not all of our problems are that easily resolved, so my wife and I are taking those problems to experts who are qualified to solve them. We are learning to admit that we don’t always know best.

As I become more aware of my perceptions and motives, I recognize that I am as powerless over anger as I am over lust. So I’ve begun to surrender my anger too, and life has gotten better as a result.

I also see improvement with my children. I’m able to answer their questions and be helpful to them, even when they are interrupting me in the middle of work. I can put my three-year-old to bed, even though it may take a half-hour or more. He may scream and cry, and I may have planned to do other things, yet I no longer resort to yelling at him or other such measures. I can remain calm and gently rock him, or even sing to him.

Thanks to the tools of recovery, I’m becoming the husband and father that I had always hoped to be.