I have been a member of SA, and by the grace of God sexually sober, for the past seven years. My sobriety is not the product of my best thinking or willpower, because for 28 years I searched for sobriety but could not get one full day lust-free. It took many years and many shameful and powerless “low-bottom” acting outs for me to arrive at Step One—to admit that I was beaten. Today, I try to listen and learn from those who went before me, and from that wisdom I would like to share the perspective that works for me.

Today I admit that I’m a sexaholic and I cannot “control and enjoy” lust. Thus, I do not seek lust out to play out in my mind. However, throughout the day, I might see some form of sexual temptation flitting past me—whether it be a man or woman, an advertisement or any other thing that I might see, and the temptation arises to fantasize or flirt. When discussing these episodes with my recovery brothers, I am very careful when I use the term “tempted” versus when I say that I am “triggered.”

In my addiction, I would get “triggered.” In the extreme example, I would feel the trance-like state begging to take hold. A deep obsession would take over, my eyes would glaze over, my palms would begin to sweat, and my stomach would turn sour. The mental disorder was “triggered” into action, and once it progressed past an invisible line, there was no turning back. One of the most important things that I have learned in recovery is that a temptation does not need to trigger the insanity!

In Step Two I came to believe that I could be restored to sanity. Sane people are tempted by lust, but sane people are not triggered into a hopeless state of mind and body. When I am tempted by lust but not triggered into insanity I know that my program is working! I can be happy that but for the grace of God, there go I. There is no shame in being restored to the condition of a sane person!

However, when I take an action of lust, I am taking an action that can trigger the insanity again. When that happens I immediately call someone and talk about the trigger. I then look back at my daily Step work to find where I have not been thorough. With this quick, fearless, and searching moral inventory, I can step back into action and once again return to sanity.

For me, there is a grave danger in equating all lust temptations as triggers. If I were to view all natural human temptations as triggers, I would be open to two dangerous risks. First, I would risk not respecting the severity of a trigger and—instead of correcting my program—I would be relying on “sharing” alone. On the other hand, if I overreact to every temptation, I will not experience the true joy of sobriety, and the true happiness in life—a danger that can lead to complacency or disinterest, both of which could be fatal.

For today, I am gratefully sober, surrendering the natural human temptations as they come. I have made some progress spiritually and hope to continue living happy, joyous, and free—one day at a time!