One night, at our home group meeting we discussed the SA group’s Primary Purpose—to carry its message to the sexaholic who still suffers (Tradition 5). Someone commented how helpful it would be to have a visual explanation of the Steps to share with newcomers. Below is what we created, and it has helped many newcomers ever since.

“But there is one who has all power. That one is God. May you find him now” (AA 59). The ideal relationship between us and God: a crystal clear, “fiber optic” line of communication. When we need God’s power, wouldn’t it be wonderful if we simply called upon him and he answered? The result is that we’d be useful to Him and others and be “rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed” (AA 25).

But, that’s not how we’re wired, is it? As humans many things stand in the way of feeling God’s presence. These are our defects of character: Resentments, Need for Approval, Judging, Impatience, Intolerance, etc. Everyone’s list is different, but the cost to our relationship with God is the same: we miss out on peace, joy and serenity.

Although a relationship with God is the solution, we don’t work on that relationship, do we? We find that pornography, affairs, flirting, and obsessive relationships with other people help us feel happier… temporarily. When the temporary false joy wears off, we again reach for these distractions to give us that “good” feeling we want so desperately. We sense God’s presence either not at all or very little. The clouds that separate us from Him are thick, gloomy and opaque, and we stay at this stage—with things getting worse and worse—until we hit our “bottom.”

When we come into Sexaholics Anonymous, we stop our acting out. Our heads begin to clear. We sense that we’re on the right track. If we stop our forward motion, telling ourselves that this is all we need to do, we backslide. Frequently a sober newcomer shares that they feel they are doing something wrong because they aren’t happier. They may not be doing anything wrong at all. They are now simply experiencing their defects of character WITHOUT lust to cover them up.

However, instead of pursuing The Solution in their relationship with God, some people think that the answer lies in therapy, exercise, eating healthier, dating someone, or finding a hobby. That’s not what SA’s 12 Step spiritual program of recovery is about. These answers can help a person feel better, but they are not The Solution.

Our SA program is so simple that many people miss it! “We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves” (AA 83). We seek to develop and nurture a relationship with the One who has all power (as we understand Him) so that when we need His help, God is there for us—anytime, anywhere. We remove things that block us from the sunlight of the Spirit and become Happy, Joyous and Free (AA 133).