When in my first year I was literature chair for my home group, I purchased several anniversary chips for those that may want to carry a nicer anniversary token. At my one-year anniversary as my sponsor was ready to hand out chips, I slid this beautiful one-year token across the table and smiled. He picked it up and looked at it with great admiration. Then he reached in the token box, pulled out a bronze one-year chip, and handed it to me.

I thought “what the heck,” and had some choice thoughts around it. I didn’t have a 4th Step resentment list yet; so, I accepted the bronze one-year coin and let it go. I had fantasized about pulling that fancy coin out many times and showing it to others, but that would not be the case. I do not recall ever showing anyone my one-year bronze chip.

As Year Two approached I realized that it fell on a meeting where my sponsor normally doesn’t attend. Before the meeting I handed the beautiful two-year token to the literature chair and said to give me this one when you hand out chips. About 5 minutes before the meeting started my sponsor walked in and sat down. He was there to celebrate my birthday.

At the end of the meeting when the chips were going to be handed out, the literature chair grabbed that beautiful chip out of the box. Before he could present it to me, my sponsor said “let me see that….” He admired it. Then he reached back into the box and pulled out a bronze two-year anniversary token, presented it to me, and then dropped the nice one back in the box. I thought “REALLY!” but this time I had a 4th Step inventory list and added another name that day.

About a week ago while driving I thought about my upcoming anniversary. The thought came to my mind, “There is that beautiful blue three-year token still in your drawer.” I recoiled from it as from a hot flame and thought, “Oh, heck no!” See, the difference is that, after almost three years sober, I can see something now that I couldn’t see then.

Over this last year, through working the Steps I have seen the process of ego deflation. Each time I re-inflate my ego, I suffer terribly. Lately I have been enjoying the sloooooow process of ego deflation. The more my ego is deflated, the more I enjoy serenity, peace of mind, better relationships, and a closer connection with God.

So when the thought of that beautiful three-year chip came to mind, I said, “Absolutely not.” To me, the funny part of this story is that my sponsor is out of town today; but, thanks to his loving guidance, I did not bring the blue three-year coin today.

I accepted a three-year bronze coin. As I did so, I remembered the final three days of depravity I went through before entering the rooms. I reflected back on those last days of end stage sexaholism, and I don’t recognize that man. I don’t see how he indulged in those acts. One thing I know for sure is, if I go back out, I will not just return to those last three days. It would be a lot worse.

So I accepted the coin today with great gratitude for the miracle God has performed, the many hours and unconditional love my sponsor has given me, and the endless love I have received from the fellowship. I only enjoy my sobriety one temptation at a time. Thank you all! Without you I would not be here.