My name is Mike M. and I’m a sexaholic. I’ve been one since before I even understood what lust was. I’ve been sober over two years now thanks to the 12 steps of SA, working with a sponsor, and a Power greater than myself that I try not to understand, but to experience. I’m married to my wife and we have three boys, 17, 14, and 10.
In my Step work I spent quite some time on my negative attitude towards women. There seemed to be very little trust. How could there be when there was no trust in me? I had always been switching from Mr. Know-It-All to Mr. Pitiful. In the one role being blind to the mess I made of my life and to how I hurt others, minors and women included, and if the pressure was too high, I became the victim that needed everybody’s help and understanding.
I came into Sexaholics Anonymous at age 31. I am 55 today. I've seen a lot of women come and go. Based on behaviors I’ve experienced during those 25 years, I’d like to share some practical recovery tools how I treat the opposite sex at our mixed meetings:
“What can we do so that more women attend our meetings? What can we do to support women in SA? What can we give women when they come into our meetings? What are we doing wrong that women leave our meetings? How can we encourage more women in service?”
About a year ago, I was asked to invite members to write articles for another ESSAY edition about women in SA. A few months later, talking about it during breakfast at the International Convention in Krakow, Poland, someone suggested that it would be more interesting to make an issue about women and men finding sobriety together. We are all equal in the Fellowship, and we need each other’s fellowship to achieve recovery as the White Book states in its chapter on “Mixed Meetings” (SA 178-179).
The poignant narrative of Arpita on pages 12-14 underscores that we are all fellow travelers on a spiritual journey who struggle with similar challenges. It’s tempting to attribute our discomfort to the opposite sex, but true insight reveals that the root of addiction lies within ourselves.
Hi, I'm Karin W., a woman sexaholic, and on 27 June '23, I landed in SA. My sobriety date is Sept 1, 2023. I have a SA in-person home group, attend Zoom SA meetings, work the 12 Steps with a SA sponsor and do SA Correctional Facilities Committee (CFC) service work. Also, I'm committed to 'no' dating or getting into a relationship for a year, minimum. Before SA, I wanted to die.
When I first came to SA and heard about mixed meetings (with both men and women), I thought, if everyone has the same brain as me, it’s gonna be quite a party!
I have been in the program since 2010. I have been allowed to be sober for 13 years and am grateful to have been asked to write an article about men and women in the community.
There’s a saying, "Recovery is peace and serenity in the midst of the storm." And Priscilla has known many storms. Today, after more than 30 years of sexual sobriety, she has tools to stay the course during storms.
