Love. Paul said it was patient and kind. Kahlil Gibran said that without it life is like a tree without blossoms or fruit. The Four Aces called it a many splendid thing. But what is love when it comes to Twelve Step programs, Sexaholics Anonymous in particular? In my opinion there are two kinds of love, equal yet different, when helping people in SA. They are Tough Love and Gentle Love.
I am glad to be a sexaholic because the symptoms of the disease leave me desiring God. I get to be with God all day and to give God’s very presence to others.
I was a lady and ladies just aren’t sex addicts. So I told myself when I thought of joining SA. No, I didn’t have that problem; it was my ex-boyfriend’s problem. The sexual behaviors that we argued about doing were not the problem. He just needed to stop taking care of his ex-wife.
Dear SACFC, Thank you very much for the Plain White Cover Book. It's great and it truly has alternatives and a plan. SA will be part of my life as I trudge the trail to a healthy, rewarding life, and I'll definitely handle my ups and downs a lot differently thanks to some caring friends.
After the Serenity Prayer, one person reads the following questions and both people answer them:
Hi, I wanted to share what’s going on in North Idaho. Our meeting (we named it Monday Miracles), turned two in September, 2002. At times it has been very challenging to my sobriety to bring SA to my town. Whenever I thought I was doing it, boy did things get bad (in the realms of my mind).
All my life I felt “different” from the other boys. I was sensitive and didn’t like to play rough sports. I spent most of the time with the girls. At age 12, I became sexually active with males and females. Since the first day, I used sex as I had been using food since I was seven: to medicate the pain of my early childhood abuse. It became so painful that I needed more and more lust to cover up my feelings.
For the last two years or so, I have had trouble reading from the Twelve and Twelve which contains the first quote. I interpreted “…something wrong with us…” to mean I was this cruel and evil person who ought to be ostracized by the human race for all eternity. I thought it was unfair to say that it was wrong for me to be sore because someone else committed hurtful actions against me.
I can hear my sponsor’s voice, passing on the words from his sponsor and his sponsor’s sponsor: “Things get worse; IT gets better.” I do not have to wonder anymore what IT is. For me, today, IT means life, serenity, acceptance, gratitude, living without expectations, finding the power to be useful and to carry out God’s will for me.
Dear ESSAY, Last year at this time I picked up a newspaper and turned to Dear Abby for some unknown reason (I know now I was being led). I hadn’t read her column in 20 years. The column was about sex addiction and gave the SA website reference. After visiting the website and Passing or Failing (depending upon one’s point of view) on 18 of the 20 questions, I thought I should find out more about it. Like a true compulsive I ordered every piece of literature from the SA website.
