For years I thought I took sober dating very seriously. My partner and I had been sexual together in 1991 and all hell broke loose. I prevented her contacting me ever again. and fled back to the UK. Then, five years later I reasoned things were different. She and I reconnected at an SA international conference. “This must be God’s will” I reasoned. My sponsor wasn’t so sure. “Make sure you are never alone together” he said.
I am very fortunate that I was blessed to find sobriety in SA before getting married. I am also thankful that my sponsor required that I had stable sobriety before giving me permission to date. During the dating period, in addition to my meetings and Step work, I checked in with him multiple times during the week, especially checking in after spending time with the young woman I was dating.
A member wrote about how he is triggered so often by other people. When we discussed what he really meant by the word triggered, he answered, “I was attacked by lust.” He’s suffering and feeling that our program is not working for him.
Sexaholics Anonymous reaffirms itself as a fellowship of men and women in an SA Meeting Participation Statement that emphasizes that a “…spirit of inclusivity is fundamental to the identity of an SA group.” For valid reasons, women are a minority in SA meetings. Many meetings have no women at all. This makes it very difficult for a female newcomer to feel welcome in SA, even though she needs the SA program every bit as much as her male counterpart.
En mi experiencia me he dado cuenta que SA es como un río. Cuando un compañero nuevo llega, el río quiere arrastrarlo a la recuperación. Pero nadie tiene motivos puros al llegar, como se dice en el libro Blanco. Por consiguiente, el compañero a veces se resiste.
In 1992 I founded SA in Melbourne. I immersed myself in service, Step work, sponsorship, conference recordings, local and international conferences. At age 35 I began a period of prolonged sobriety. At some deep level I knew it was unsustainable. Even with all my inventory work, I sensed there was something I had trouble identifying deep inside. After 8 years I lost my sobriety and struggled for the next 10 years.
It happened again. I was cooking the family meal and suddenly an attractive woman I know came to mind. I started thinking about her personality qualities and wondering if maybe God would want me to ask her out. It wasn’t lust, I thought — I was only thinking about her personality!
Time has been an underrated and overlooked tool in my sobriety. When I first came into SA I was struck with the overwhelming difficulty of staying sober. Day by day sexual sobriety was a tremendous struggle. I slipped countless times in my first ten months.
Hi. I’m Hal, sexaholic, sober since August 4, 2018. From 2008 into 2018 I was a “chronic slipper.” Thank God I didn’t quit SA before the miracle happened.
In my experience I have realized that SA is like a flowing river. When a new member joins, the river wants to sweep him into recovery. But nobody has pure reasons when one joins, as it says in the White Book. And so sometimes the newcomer resists the current.
