The best thing that ever happened to me was the day that my ex-wife threw me out of the house, near the end of 2006. I had been through rehab and in and out of SA, and yet here I was again, caught looking at porn online. My wife had had it. Thank God she was willing to give up on me.
When I got sober in SA, I had to learn what healthy sexuality is and how to experience true intimacy. I had never experienced either one for any prolonged period in over 30 years of marriage. My relationship was plagued with control and avoidance. My wife knew something was wrong, but for many years I denied it.
My name is Bill W. and I’m a sexaholic. My sobriety date is November 26, 1995. Until I was 73 years old, I was a chronic relapser. My addiction was costly. I ended up a disgrace to myself, my family, my church, and the religious order to which I belong.
My name is Pat and I’m a sexaholic. Last December I celebrated 17 years as a member of the SA Fellowship and 17 years of SA sobriety. I feel so blessed.
In the Spring of 2001, a fellow was struggling with staying sober from lust. He had tried many ways to stop, including using spiritual tools—but he could not stop. Then in the Fall of 2002 he met another man who also wanted to stop.
My tale begins over 12 years ago. At the time, I observed that—as I walked from my car to a downtown SA meeting—I would often notice the women coming toward me or even across the road or on the sidewalk, and smile at them. Sometimes what I noticed about them turned to fantasy, and I would have to surrender this during the subsequent meeting.
One of the ways I continued in my addiction and acting out was by going to SA meetings (no, that is not a typo!). That was because “going to meetings” was all I wanted to do to stop acting out. I wanted an “easier, softer way” (AA 58). I wanted to design my own program, and that meant just going to meetings.
While I was growing up, our family attended church twice on Sunday and again on Wednesday nearly every week. This gave me a good exposure to God and to the church. I didn’t always enjoy attending church, but something was planted within me. I believed in a punishing God, but at least I believed in God.
On September 18, 2013, I celebrated five years of SA sobriety. While I realize that five years is only a benchmark and that I still have much to learn, I’ve been so excited by what I’ve already learned in SA that I would like to share it with you. And I would like to compare my life to a cup, having an inside and an outside. In recovery, I’ve learned some healthy tools for maintaining both the inside and the outside of the cup.
When I first came to SA, my world had just exploded. My last acting out partner had called my wife and told her what I’d been doing. My wife learned about a long list of behaviors that I was none too proud of. My loving, even-tempered wife responded to that call by picking up the pot roast she had just prepared for dinner and throwing it at me.
