Beyond My Wildest Dreams
I’m Dave, a happy recovering sexaholic, sober since November 23, 1990. Today, because of SA, I have a better life than I could ever have imagined. But my life hasn’t always been so happy.
The Value of Sobriety
Like many others, I came to SA for what I thought were good reasons: to get something back, to find something better in my life, or to satisfy some requirement. Yet I really didn’t believe that I was a sexaholic. I knew that my sexual acting out was causing me some problems, but a sex addict? Never!
Comfort: Internal Versus External
In previous visits to see my family, my wife and I have established a boundary of staying in a hotel. We learned to set this boundary through experience: it gives us space, privacy, and comfort that we would not have if we stayed at a family member’s house.
Connected to the Fellowship
I came into SA when I was 23. In meetings, I would sometimes hear other members share about the tactics they had used in their sickness to isolate themselves from other sexaholics. I related to their tactics—thus making it easier for me to justify acting out.
Sober Dating: One Woman’s Story
Seven years ago, when I was 29, I came into SA after crossing one of my boundaries: I had an affair with a married coworker. It wasn’t the affair that made me realize I had a problem, however, but the fact that my affair partner wanted to become emotionally attached and I wasn’t interested.
A God I Can Trust
My struggles with sexual fantasy began when I was five years old. I began masturbating when I was ten. But in the summer of 2009, when I was 27, I walked into SA and have been sober ever since, by the grace of God alone.
Acceptance Is the Answer
One day, while I was still active in my addiction, I threw away my pornography collection and swore off masturbation. My resolve didn’t last long however, and soon I was back to my old habits.
Hope
Recently, I was challenged to write a gratitude list of 10 things that I am grateful for in my recovery. Among the items I listed was the word “HOPE.” It was the only word on my list that I had written in all caps.
Freedom From Temptation
Early in my sobriety, I heard a member share that we will never be free from the temptation to lust, but we can gain progressive victory over it. I wasn’t comfortable with that statement for a long time. I wondered, “Can we never be free from the temptation?” Today I believe that, although we will never be cured, we can experience progressive freedom from temptation, just like progressive victory over lust.
Progressive Victory Over Lust
In September 2007, I lost 18 years of SA sobriety—or so I thought. Looking back, I see that I was hardly ever sober, not in my mind anyway. I had thought that all I needed to do was to not act out, and I had done that since 1989—a few months before joining SA.
