I first met Roy—at a distance—when I attended my first international convention in Oklahoma City in December 1985. I had about four months of sobriety back then. Someone pointed Roy out to me but I did not formally introduce myself.
The first I heard of Roy’s death was from a message on my voicemail. I felt a sudden and deep sadness to hear of his passing. For the past 25 and a half years, my life and my recovery have been interwoven with Roy’s. I was first introduced to the concept of sobriety through the SA brochure that he had written.
I would like to share my memories of Roy K., who was perhaps second only to my father in influencing my life for the better.
Mark told me once that no one ever died from sex. He said, “Alcohol, on the other hand, will kill you. It's a chemical fact. If I drink I’ll die.” What Mark didn’t say was that he was going to die anyway.
My father was admitted to the hospital in June 2008. The doctors said he needed a heart valve in order to live. He risked the surgery so that he might be around longer for his grandchildren. It didn’t work out so well: he was in a coma between life and death for six weeks. It was hard to see him so powerless.
I had just arrived at the Nashville airport when I got a voicemail from Jim. The message was “I just got back from the doctor and he told me I have six months to live.” Jim was dead within two weeks. After receiving the message, I immediately called him. I told him how much I loved him and how he was always the brother I never felt I really had.
Dan N. was my sponsor. He died on June 22nd at his home in Kimberling City, MO. Having tried unsuccessfully to work the program on my own my first five years in SA, I decided after a terrifying night of acting out that I needed to work the Steps with someone who was successfully staying sober, had a way of solving his problems that worked, and had a peace of mind that I didn’t have. Dan had what I wanted, and was willing to share what he had with me.
Earl was our mentor, sponsor, and guide. Earl started SA on the Mississippi Gulf Coast. People from New Orleans to Mobile came to these meetings. He sponsored several of us as we continued to work our programs. Earl established a light that few of us expect to achieve. He attended national meetings and had years of sobriety; yet, he fought for each day just like the rest of us.
Jesse L. of Bozeman, Montana, died February 24, 2000. Although noted in many fields, he is remembered in SA for his devotion to the SA fellowship.
Peter came to SA because he wasn’t happy with his sobriety in another S-fellowship. In SA, Peter enjoyed eight years of sexual sobriety. His gratitude for his sobriety and new life, and his dedication to SA showed in his wonderful commitment to service work at the group and national level. He spoke and chaired frequent public information meetings in a 12-Step clinic in the area, and in other parts of the country.
