My name is Mervat, and I am a recovering sexaholic, or to be more precise, a lustaholic, from Egypt. I walked through the valley of the shadow of Death—or Lust—since I was a four-year-old. My full-throttle sexual acting-out started when I was 18 years old. I lived in that Lust Valley for more than 3 decades, not knowing the wages I had to pay: my life. It was a miracle that I found SA because all I wanted was to live.
Our White Book says, “We saw that our problem was threefold: physical, emotional, and spiritual. Healing had to come about in all three” (SA 204). I have found it helpful to think of four areas: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.
Mój sponsor zwykł mawiać: „Po co karmić wilka? Pozwól mu umrzeć z głodu” - odnosząc się do żądzy w moim mózgu. Na początku częściowo się z nim zgodziłem. Jednak w głębi duszy wierzyłem, że ta żądza jest integralną częścią mojego charakteru, tego kim jestem, nawet jeśli wiedziałem, że mnie zabija, że zabija moją duszę. Zmagałem się z pomysłem, żeby pozwolić jej umrzeć z głodu.
My sponsor used to say to me, “Why Feed the Wolf? Let It Starve,” referring to the lust residing in my brain. At first, I partially agreed with him. Deep down, though, I believed that this lust was integral to my character, to who I am, even though I knew that it was killing me, killing my soul. I struggled with the idea of letting it starve. I associated hunger with food and believed that, if I were hungry, the only solution was to eat; calling a fellow, attending a meeting, or praying to alleviate the feeling of hunger won’t put food in my belly. Likewise, I projected that only acting out could feed my lust hunger. I eventually realized that this perspective is false, but it took me a couple of years to truly grasp it.
I’ve been a sexaholic my whole life, and it’s the most important fact in my life. I’ve other addictions and other Fellowships also. Sexaholism is not the one which would kill me quickest, as the saying goes, but it is the major focus of my life in recovery, being the most all-encompassing and all-pervasive of them.
Je m'appelle Meira et je suis sexolique. Ou peut-être, plus exactement, une accro à la luxure. D'aussi loin que je me souvienne, peut-être depuis l'âge de quatre ou cinq ans, j'utilisais la luxure pour faire face à la vie. Au début, j'ai eu recours aux fantasmes et à la masturbation compulsive, bien avant de savoir ce qu'était le sexe. Ces comportements n'étaient pas un problème à l'époque, ils étaient ma solution.
Just before I came to SA, I hit my personal rock bottom. On the outside, it was not so obvious that my life had become unmanageable. I was still married with children, had my health, a home, a job and a community. But inside I was at my most desperate and darkest hour.
My name is Meira. and I am a sexaholic. Or perhaps, more correctly, a lustaholic. I was using lust to cope with life as far back as I can remember, perhaps from the age of four or five. At first I used fantasy and compulsive masturbation, way before I even knew what sex was. These behaviors weren't a problem then—they were my solution.
Incluso después de conectarme con SA y comenzar a dar los pasos, había muchas cosas que no entendía. Uno de ellos fue el "tiempo del Poder Superior". Uno de mis compañeros, que iba por delante de mí en los pasos, me dijo repetidamente que "siempre sabría" cuándo hacer enmiendas, y a quién, y qué decirles, siempre y cuando estuviera conectado adecuadamente con el Poder Superior.
My name is Yoshi. I have a desire to stop lusting and become sexually sober. My sobriety date is July 29, 1994. I am now 77 years old and have had many "lifesavers" in my life.
