My name is Dave, I’m a recovering sexaholic, and I’ve been sexually sober since August 1, 1985 by the grace of God and this wonderful Fellowship. I came into the Fellowship when I separated from my first wife hoping to save my marriage. After two years of sobriety, we still divorced, and by the grace of God, I knew absolutely that I had no business being in any kind of romantic relationship, much less a committed one.
I was unmarried when I entered SA at the age of 26. I got sober and stayed sober though several dates and relationships. I met my wife after 16 years of sobriety. I remained sober through our courtship and 12 years of marriage (so far).
After finishing my Step Four harms inventory, I was very grateful to notice that each consecutive person that I dated after I got sober had fewer harms. There are still things left to work on, but my ability to have healthy relationships has improved since joining SA. I'd like to describe some of the progress that I saw in my inventory.
I recently dated someone for three months. The first month was great, but by the second month, I felt like he was pulling back emotionally, and by the third month, we said our goodbyes.
There’s a great talk by Roy K. called “Sponsorship and Group Sobriety.” (If you are new to the Program, Roy K. was the founder of our Fellowship). In his talk, Roy K. shares about the highest purpose of sponsorship. It’s not to keep people coming to the Program, and it’s not to keep people sober, because only a Higher Power can do that. According to Roy, the highest purpose of sponsorship is not even working the Steps, although that is an integral part of it. He says that the highest purpose of sponsorship is introducing other men to the real Connection and bringing them into a way of living where the sponsee can experience having that real Connection.
The SA Correctional Facilities Committee has seen a dramatic increase in the number of prisoners needing to be sponsored by mail. This is due to SACFC outreach, etc. We currently have a backlog of some 150 sponsees. We have an urgent need for sponsors.
The Finance Committee invites the SA Fellowship’s Service Committees to participate building the 2021 SAICO budget. Information provided by your committees constructs the budget foundation reflecting the Fellowship’s service needs.
Would you be willing to try singing the Obsession Song as a tool to surrender the right to obsess?
Dear Essay, A short letter from a maternity ward, just shared with my SA fellowship:
Dear Essay readers: This issue of Essay includes many stories on “Sober Dating.” Our next issue in May, 2020 will focus on “Travel and SA Recovery.” Please send in any stories or short articles on your experience with traveling experiences in Sexaholics Anonymous. Future topics include: Lost in Translations in August, 2020. Let us hear from you at essay@sa.org.
