When I sit in meetings listening to others sharing their personal issues, I have a tendency to compare myself to what they are describing. In doing this I miss the point of my recovery. My personal truth is that listening to someone else’s difficulties makes me feel comfortable that there is a group where I can express the same frustrations. I really loved that at first.
Yesterday God gave me an Eleventh Step prayer. At the time, I was in my head, fussing over one of my sons, making an inventory of all the things I wanted for him. It was a typical dad-list, including things like a better job, a better education, a better place to live, and a meaningful relationship.
When I first read this Step in the White Book I thought it was the simplest of the Twelve. After all, it’s only a “decision.” I figured the Step would take me all of five minutes, mirroring the experience described in the personal story “Flooded With Feeling” in Alcoholics Anonymous.
Every morning while the water is heating for my coffee, I write in the notebook I always carry in my pocket. This is in the form of a personal letter to God on the following topics: my feelings, how I am doing, and what I am harboring.
Because SA was so new when I came in, there were very few people with even one year’s sobriety. I wanted to hear from people who had a lot of experience, strength and hope in working the Steps. So I started attending a great AA Twelve and Twelve meeting.
The following is an exercise that I have found helpful for getting a sponsee started on working Step One:
Although I have discovered a number of people I had harmed who did not appear in my Fourth Step, the list of people against whom I held resentments was an excellent place to begin. I had to remember that in the Eighth Step I was merely making the list.
Step Six requires quiet contemplation of the work we have done. There are several questions on pages 75 & 76 of the Big Book. These are not rhetorical questions! The foundation is complete willingness. The cement is our common solution. The cornerstone is coming to believe in a Power greater than ourselves. The keystone is Step Three.
I think for me, the most important Step was Step “0.” So, before I attempted to do the SA Twelve Steps, I’ve been working on Step Zero. Here’s a format I wrote, answered, and read to my Accountability Partner and my Sponsor.
The Sexaholics Anonymous (White Book) material on the 5th Step provides excellent guidance for both the person presenting and the one hearing the Step. The book says, “Ideally, the Fifth Step should be taken with one’s sponsor…” I strongly agree. The 5th Step is addressed in Chapter 6 of Alcoholics Anonymous, “Into Action.” I encourage you to read these sections of both books prior to meeting with your sponsor.
