I have been coming to SA for over two years. I am now 150 days sober. I believe that my history of achieving a few months’ sobriety and then slipping lies with my ego. I seem to lack humility, which causes me to believe too much in my own way of seeing the world, no matter how painful that is, rather than accepting other people’s guidance and support.
Our Seventh Tradition — “Every SA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions” — is part of our meeting format. Yet it was discussed at a fellowship meeting at a recent conference that we are not fully self-supporting through our contributions. Only about half of our income comes from group contributions.
In the five-plus years that SA has existed in Toronto, we have received numerous requests to be involved in radio or television programs. With careful attention to the SA position papers on media publicity, we have always declined. In January 1996, our group agreed to take part in a TV program. This decision, however, gave rise to many questions and concerns within the fellowship, which led to a review of the decision in a group conscience meeting. We would like to share with you what happened and how we resolved it.
Question: “How can SA as a fellowship work the Steps; I thought only individuals could do that?” Response: “The idea does sound kind of new and strange, doesn’t it? But let’s see what it might look like.”
Dying: Admit I am powerless over lust; that my sex, sexuality, orientation and relational misconnection are unmanageable.
I became willing to turn my life over to the care of God. My first time was when I first entered the program. Then I finally admitted that it was not up to me to define the bottom line. To really turn over to my sponsor—regular contact, honest sharing of my lust and resentment and regular work on the Steps is my next step.
There are two ways for a group to arrive at a group conscience. One is the competitive way, the other is the cooperative way. In the competitive, you push your ideas across, take a vote, and the majority carry the decision. This leaves behind a disgruntled minority that feel that its truths are lost sight of in the decision.
Ego has been said to mean Edging God Out. How desperately I want to sign this piece so that I’ll be admired and praised — so that I’ll feel less small and gray. But this means I am mistakenly allowing, indeed inviting, others to validate me — thinking that they can fill me up and make me whole.
When I began my sobriety in recovery in SA over three years ago, I listened to the Tenth Step as it was read at every meeting. At that time all I could hear was the reflection of my guilt, my shame and my pain. I thought that this Step meant that I would have to quickly proclaim to everyone all the screw-ups that I make in my life. I had enough difficulty revealing my past screw-ups!
The wording of the Third Tradition in SA is different than in most other Twelve Step programs. The Third Tradition in AA is: “The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking.” In SA, however, the Third Tradition is: “The only requirement for SA membership is a desire to stop lusting and become sexually sober.” I believe SA’s formulation of the Third Tradition involves a two-part membership requirement — a desire to stop lusting and a desire to become sexually sober — and that both parts are equally important to the spiritual health of the fellowship and the quality of meetings.
