Over three sober decades in SA there have been quite a few pieces of “bad news” for sexaholics. They all arise, like our entire program, from our experience, strength, and hope:

• Healthy sex: Sexual behavior which helps a married couple feel closer is healthy, in my experience. Any sexual behavior which serves some other purpose (“find relief,” “help me relax,” “help me be less afraid,” “keep me from losing him/her,”) is self-centered and probably unhealthy.
• My partner did not cause my sexaholism. Nor can my partner control it or cure it. I am responsible for me.
• The greater the intensity of a response or action toward the “outside,” such as another person or situation, the greater the intensity of something hidden on the “inside” of the speaker. This is very reliable, though often not obvious.
• Fighting is a choice. We can reply “you may be right” or “thank you for caring so much” (without sarcasm!) rather than fight. The other person may well be upset that we refuse to fight. We still don’t fight.