I am 71, married with two adult children, and currently living in a country at war. I am not on the battlefield; I don’t have children at home to care for, or children in the military.

My recovery from sexaholism began in the early 90’s, in SA, other 12-Step sexual recovery groups, and therapy. My disease progressed from sexual fantasy to compulsive masturbation, pornography, inappropriate touching of women, topless bars, sexual acting out with women in massage parlors, and porn. My sexaholism was a big part of why my first wife and I divorced in 1996.

After an initial sobriety period of five years, I had a long period of relapsing. I had read and reviewed the Big Book, White Book and 12&12 with my SA sponsor, but only had an intellectual understanding.

Currently, due to God’s grace, I have had a psychic change. I am working the 12 Steps as they are outlined in the Big Book of AA and further explained in the SA White Book.

I am now thoroughly convinced, in my gut, that I have the condition of sexaholism which makes me different from others without this condition. I constantly remind myself to “smash the idea that I’m like other people” (AA 30). If I’m like other people without this malady I will want to do what they do. I’m not “other people.” I’m a sexaholic. I have an allergy of the body and an obsession of the mind.

Step One is my foundation. I prioritize following the instructions of the doctor’s opinion. With the help of the “God of my understanding” and my sponsor, I’ve identified what I call the alcoholic type of sexual behaviors that increase my craving and have become willing to surrender these behaviors. This negates the barriers that interfere with my HP, the only Power powerful enough to keep my craving at bay.

God keeps showing me that when I give in to temptation, I create chaos. I am experiencing progressive victory over lust.

My sponsor tells me one difference between a sexaholic and an alcoholic is the alcoholic must ingest alcohol to begin the craving process. As a recovering sexaholic, who ingests lust without having to leave my house, I need to be willing to have the taste, then spit it out. Otherwise, the process of craving begins, and I am powerless to stop it.

These 12 Steps are my solution in war and any other time. The reality of war does present unique challenges. The same goes for my challenge of having recovered from four bouts of severe cancer. However, no tool will help unless I treat this condition with our spiritual solution.

Tools I am using:

• Affirming I am a human being created by God, I want to live, and my only way to live is being God-reliant and not self- or other-reliant.
• I have the condition of sexaholism requiring treatment to continue living.
• Recommit daily to work the 12 Steps.
• Conscious contact with my Higher Power, to know and do His will and being of service to others. The only way to ensure I continue my psychic spiritual experience as defined in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
• Daily study of the Big Book and White Book in one or two SA or other 12-Step meetings.
• Each morning I pray and meditate. I say recovery prayers and prayers from my faith. During the day I pause to do contemplative meditation and additional prayers from my faith. Otherwise, I will die.
• Daily service by making program calls, participating in SA meetings, learning and studying spiritual principles.
• Media/News increase my self/other-reliance instead of God-reliance. I only check out certain media sites and only read headlines. Other people’s political positions are between them and their Higher Power. It’s not my business. I have an emergency system on my phone which will tell me if I need to go to our bomb shelter.
• Daily I make a decision to turn my will over to the care of God. Throughout the day I have humorous conversations with God when He reminds me when I try to do His job. He understands I am human; He created me with the thought to want His job, and I am progressively surrendering trying to be Him.
• I was doing a 10th Step when needed during the day and an 11th Step review before bedtime. However, I found it necessary to rework all the steps.

This is what is working for me. My recovery is a “Design for living.”