Shrinking his inflamed ego became possible by generously applying the solution of humility.

As a recovering sexaholic, I have always been an intense person. In my active disease, I demanded that the world revolve around my desires. When I finally hit the rooms and got a little sobriety under my belt, something wonderful happened; I started to look good. I cleaned up, my relationships stabilized, and the daily chaos stopped. 

But right on cue, my old, cunning disease stepped into the mirror with me. My ego began to swell. I looked at my sobriety date and thought, “Look at my progressive victory! I’m really doing this thing.” Before I knew it, I was back to playing God, trying to manage the future, and quietly judging the guy down the table who was still struggling. I quickly rediscovered the physical reality of a swollen ego: an inflammation that is incredibly painful. 

When my self-importance becomes hypersensitive and engorged with pride, it becomes impossible for me to sit comfortably in the seats. Every comment from my spouse feels like sandpaper. Every minor frustration in traffic feels like a personal attack. I find myself burning with the “fever of life.” To get relief, I have to open my spiritual medicine cabinet and grab a daily application of “Preparation H”— Humility. 

For me, humility isn’t walking around feeling humiliated. True humility is simply the cooling, soothing medicine that shrinks my swollen self-importance back down to its actual, human size. It’s the willingness to look at a situation I can’t control, let go of the kite string of my self-will, and say, “I don’t know, and I am going to let God handle the outcome.” Just like any effective daily treatment, I’ve found this spiritual remedy requires a continuous maintenance program: 

• I apply it in the morning to set my day right, starting with a quiet surrender.
• I apply it at night during my 10th-Step review, checking where my pride tried to creep back in. 
• And I re-apply it throughout the day the moment my peace is threatened by resentment, fear, or a flash of lust. 

The only thing I can truly take credit for in this Program is making the simple choice to apply the medicine—to say yes to God and no to my own inflated head. The actual shrinkage, the cooling of the irritation, and the serenity that follows are entirely my Higher Power’s victory. 

Today, when I feel myself becoming hyper-sensitive, defensive, or remarkably proud of my own recovery, I try not to panic. I just check my spiritual inventory, apply a little humility, and let the swelling go down. I’ve found it’s a whole lot easier to walk the path of recovery when my ego isn’t inflamed.