January 17, 1957 – February 8, 2014

On February 10th, 2014, I learned that Randy had passed away from a heart attack a few days earlier, while on a holiday cruise with his wife. Randy would have had five years of sobriety on February 22, 2014. Randy’s life had quite an impact on me, and I have felt moved to share it.

I first met Randy on a snowy evening in early 2009 in Barrie, Ontario, about an hour north of Toronto. As we shared each other’s stories, I could see how similar our acting out patterns had been. After the meeting, our group gathered outside to talk. Randy had his bicycle with him that night, and I offered to give him a ride home. That was my first time getting to know him. Little did I realize that he would become one of my closest friends.

Randy was a long-distance truck driver and was often away from home for three to four days at a time. This had led to a lot of his acting out for decades. But after he was in SA, he would listen to recovery CDs while driving.

Randy dove head-first into our program. He got a sponsor early on and started working the Steps. He regularly attended our Saturday morning meetings, as well as any weekday meetings when he was home. He attended our Spring three-day conference and Fall marathon every year. He was always available to Twelve Step newcomers, and he sponsored others. He gave a lot of time to his sponsees, but he expected them to rigorously work the program.

Randy, like myself, had completely forgotten about God while active in his addiction. Early on in his recovery, Randy found God again, and he became active in his church. His favorite prayer was the prayer of St. Francis.

Randy, like me, was sexually abused as a young boy, and he held on to a lot of shame and anger over this. But he knew that God had forgiven him for his past actions and was at peace with himself. Eventually he found a way to forgive the person who had abused him. That was a huge piece of his recovery.

In January 2012, Randy and his wife attended their first International Convention in Atlanta. That summer, at the convention in Baltimore, he co-led a breakout session. He served as Alternate Rep for our Ontario Intergroup and had offered to serve as the Vice Chair for our Ontario IGO. And just before leaving for the holiday with his wife, he volunteered to co-chair our 10th annual Spring Conference. Randy’s commitment to our program was an inspiration to us all.

During the past several years, Randy and I were morning check-in partners. This time spent on the phone with him was one of the most important tools of my sobriety. It set up our day with awareness of our addiction, as well as any current challenges we were facing.

Well, my buddy, I miss and love you. You will never be forgotten. Rest peacefully, knowing that you were an outstanding example of how a sexaholic can come to enjoy and live our Twelve Promises.

Your friend forever,