When a young bird is hatched, all it knows is the insatiable urge to be fed, crying out for its next meal. As the chick grows, the time comes when he is finally able to look outside the nest and see all the mature birds soaring through the air. He is awestruck viewing all the wonders of flight. He begins to flap his wings each day, mimicking the older birds. As time passes the little bird begins to strengthen his wings and starts to feel himself being lifted ever so slightly from the nest.

Weeks pass, and with knowing only a little, he decides to join the other birds in the joy of flight. He works his way to the edge of the nest, flaps his wings for all he’s worth, leaps from the nest, and discovers the mystery of flight—and then he plummets to the earth. As he descends toward earth, he learns valuable lessons that he could only have learned by leaving the nest.

I remember that as I started in the SA program seven months ago, I felt defeated by lust. I continually battled against it, but lust always won out. I realized that lust was stronger than I was, and I knew I could not beat it. I hated my lust. I wanted it to go away and never return. I begged God a thousand times to take it, but it seemed that He never would. So I did not believe that God could or would remove my lust.

Today however, when I list the things I’m grateful for, one of them is my lust! I never would have believed that a day would come when I would be grateful for my lust—but today I am. How is that possible? As I began attending meetings, listening to my sponsor, calling other guys in the fellowship, and working the Steps, I discovered a whole new world.

I learned that when I try to resist or fight lust (even with only one ounce of my own energy), I’ve already lost the battle. That is the beauty of powerlessness. Today when I feel lust, I can take a deep breath and know that there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. There is a freedom that comes with knowing that I’m powerless over lust.

Once I understood that I’m totally powerless over lust, I could completely surrender it to God. Before, I would beg God to take it, while I held on to lust with a death grip. As I slowly began to open my hands and surrender my lust to Him, He still would not take it. It wasn’t until I completely surrendered my lust—with my hands fully opened—that God took it from me. I’ve learned to cry out for His power just for today, saying, “Thy will be done”—and like the wind lust is gone.

The freedom I felt the first time I experienced this was life-changing. However, over the next few months, lust still showed up in varying degrees. I could not figure out why sometimes it seemed stronger than other times. As I learned more about the program I began to see how much my will plays a part in my daily struggle with lust. When I fully surrender my lust and my will, I’m able to face God and be the recipient of His great power, love, and way of life. The lust is still there, but it seems momentarily rendered impotent.

I still have trouble noticing when my will slowly starts to turn me away from God. I cannot tell when this starts to happen, but the minute I detect even the slightest bit of lust, I know that my will is turning me away from the direction of God. So I can now see that my lust is like a compass—when I detect lust’s presence, it is alerting me that my direction must be altered. Then I can immediately surrender my lust—and more importantly my will—to God, asking for His power once again. This prayer immediately re-aligns me back to facing God and receiving His power in my life.

A compass always points toward true North. True North is an invisible force that never changes from its direction and is always present. My lust is truly a blessing, in that I no longer need to let lust grow stronger by allowing my will to move me further away from the direction of God.

I still have so much to learn in this program, but each day that goes by—and the more I stay surrendered, facing God—the more my wings strengthen. I can now see how those who are ahead of me—who have been in the program for a while and understand what I am still trying to learn—are soaring through the air flying in the wondrous air streams of sobriety and recovery. That is my desire; that is what I want today.