Meditation on Step Two

We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. “Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?” (AA 47).

Only one question? Too simple. Or so I think when I’m trying too hard to solve all my problems at once. Physical pain and discomfort, problematic personal relationships, a nagging account at work: I want to fix them all. Now! So I construct complexities.

So many questions I can form, even after I’ve worked on this Step several times in the past 15 years! Who is this Power? What do I call it? Where do I find it? Why do I need it? And even: Do I still deserve to be restored to sanity?

I realize, by capturing this self-constructed craziness and talking to my sponsor, that I’ve been getting way ahead of myself. So I simplify: I can, with the aid of this ever-evolving Higher Power, complete Step Two again.

I reflect on the questions posed in Twelve Step material and conclude that, before joining SA, I had believed in such a power for others but that I felt undeserving of such love and sanity. No more.

Today, I enter the harbor of simplicity, that sacred mental space to again ask this question: “Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe that there is a Power greater than myself?” Today my answer is “Yes.”

God, please make Thy will, my will…one difficulty at a time.

J.D. in Massachusetts

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