I have heard of problems at mixed meetings, and I have had a few of my own making. But the problems have been valuable lessons in my recovery, and I wouldn’t trade those experiences because of the wisdom I’ve gained from them.

For me, a mixed meeting of Sexaholics Anonymous is a much safer place to be than the grocery store or anywhere else “out there” in the real world. There are sexaholics everywhere who don’t want to get sober. But most of the people attending meetings want sobriety, and if they don’t, they’re on the fence, watching others get better, and wondering if that could happen for them.

I go to regional retreats and international conventions, which really help me understand the bigger picture of what SA is about. I am so sad when people choose not to go, or don’t ask God if He wants them to go. God can certainly overcome any financial problem or other excuses a person can conjure up. These people cheat themselves of the synergism of recovery. If you think regular meetings are good, imagine that experience shared with several hundred more people.

I feel the same about women who don’t go to mixed meetings and isolate in women’s meetings—if they even have that as an option (I know there are situations when it is better for some women to not attend mixed meetings; this isn’t all-or-nothing thinking).

At mixed meetings I have a safe place to learn to be intimate with men in the way I think God intended. When I do service—such as serving as treasurer, or being part of a retreat planning committee—I learn to work with men and women for one common purpose. This helps me see that I don’t have to live in fear. SAs in recovery are beautiful people; not the beauty that my lust wants to pervert, but rather the beauty of appropriate intimacy.

I thank every sexaholic that I get to share recovery with, for each one of you makes my recovery brighter.