My name is Jon, and I’m a grateful, recovering sexaholic. I’ve been powerless over lust for as long as I can remember. Unfortunately, it took decades for me to finally acknowledge this fact. I am originally from the United States, but my wife and I currently reside in the Philippines.

I first came to SA back in 2012. We were living in the Pacific Northwest at the time. My default attitude during meetings was to be highly judgmental. I would listen to shares and immediately think, “Wow, this person has serious problems. I’m doing great!” My addict brain also made the classic mistake of believing that I could somehow stay sober on my own. The delusion was truly profound. I stopped attending SA meetings after a few months, and began acting out again shortly thereafter.

My rock bottom occurred back in 2022. I was perusing various adult websites while contacting women via text and through multiple apps installed on my phone. Money was being sent and I was quickly spiraling out of control. I knew that my actions were wrong, but I was unable to stop. Lust had me firmly in its grip and would not let go.

In my experience, lust is an endless obsession with fantasy and the unreal. It involves an irrational fixation on physical characteristics while simultaneously objectifying the other person. Lust is the direct opposite of love. It is devoid of empathy. It is insatiable and voracious. Lust can never be satisfied. It always wants more and more.

My wife had noticed my odd behavior and she started to become suspicious. One day in January 2022, she decided to randomly pick up my phone. The messages were quickly discovered, and she immediately confronted me. Initially I was resentful, but now I firmly believe that my Higher Power miraculously intervened to save me. Denial quickly turned into acceptance. I knew deep down that the “party was over” (SA 28). This nightmare had gone on for long enough. I was truly powerless over lust.

I went to sa.org, located the number for a phone meeting, and called into the meeting later that afternoon. Fighting back tears, I explained to my fellow attendees that I desperately needed help. To my amazement, everyone was incredibly kind and gracious. Several people immediately gave me their phone numbers. I reached out, and began receiving regular fellowship calls and texts. Against all odds, I had also managed to save my printed SA white book from almost a decade before. Another miracle!

There are no in-person SA meetings where we reside in the Philippines, so I still consider this weekly call to be my “home” meeting. I dial in regularly and help with chairperson duties. My schedule includes attending several SA Zoom meetings each week. These are available almost 24 hours a day. What a blessing for people located all over the world! I have been fortunate enough to meet many wonderful folks during these Zoom meetings. My addiction thrives in shame and isolation, so it is critical to engage in regular fellowship. Reaching out via WhatsApp is an important part of my ongoing recovery.

Working the 12 Steps has taught me that I am no better or worse than anyone else. My formerly immense ego has taken a backseat to serving others in the program. I now lead with weakness and honesty during shares. It is no longer about me. What an incredible relief!

Life is so much better these days. Through the miracle of modern technology, I can regularly participate in the SA program. Living on the other side of the planet from my country of origin poses no imminent risk to my ongoing sobriety. All I need is an internet connection and my Higher Power. And for that I can never be sufficiently grateful.