“Progressive victory over lust” is often the hurdle that humbles me in my own program. My lust can, in a heartbeat, zero in on just about anything: sexualizing people, overeating, disappearing into TV, lying, pretending to be someone other than who I am, the list goes on and on. The solution has always been the same: reaching out and giving, of my time, my experience, my caring, my love; giving some of the “real” me to someone else. That might be my wife, my children, my co-workers, or the next newcomer who walks into a meeting.

I always find it interesting that as someone who has been relieved of the mental obsession, I still want to put the burden on the newcomer to ask for help. “If he wants a sponsor, he’ll ask.” “If he’s really serious about recovery, then he has to take the first step.” I place the burden on the one who is weakest.

It wasn’t Dr. Bob who called Bill W. Once together, they didn’t wait for the phone to ring. The AA Big Book doesn’t tell newcomers to find a sponsor; it tells us who have been awakened to work with newcomers. I have found that more than anything else, this has brought me the most peace and the most joy. When I step out of myself and help someone else—anyone else—I am transported.