New Format for an SA Meeting

Good evening. My name is _______________, and I am a recovering sexaholic. Welcome to this meeting of Sexaholics Anonymous.

Will you join me in our version of the Serenity Prayer? “God, grant me the serenity to moan about the things I cannot change, the courage to ignore the things I can, and the inability to know the difference.”

Sexaholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their problems that they may get some sympathy from others and feel good even though they have little or no sobriety.

This is a closed meeting, so only those desiring to share all the bad things that have happened to them can talk.

[Drop all those time-consuming readings. We are here to “get current” and not to be bothered with “recovery” stuff.]

Let’s now introduce ourselves by stating our first name only. [I don’t want to be embarrassed by hearing that others actually have some sobriety.] [Skip the giving of “chips”—that is only one more way to have my lack of sobriety noticeable.]

This is a “getting current” meeting. Everyone is encouraged to share all the troubles they’ve had since the last meeting and how these forced them to act out. Please keep your pleas for sympathy short, so that the other members can also have time to gripe and whine.

We encourage dumping or focusing on the problem, rather than the solution. We welcome topics that can lead to dissension or distraction, including the discussion of religion, therapies, and other programs. The emphasis is on letting others know that our situation is worse than theirs. If you feel that another member is getting too explicit or talking too long, you may so signify by rudely waving your hand or telling him/her to shut up.

This concludes our sharing. Anyone not having time to share during the meeting is encouraged to find someone after the meeting who agrees with them and will not challenge them to get sober.

Our experience teaches us that “getting current,” missing meetings, not doing the Steps, and avoiding sponsorship are key elements to maintaining our right to moan and whine. Would those who are willing to be temporary sponsors who demand nothing and allow moaning and whining, please raise their hands?

Okay, the meeting is over. [All that ending prayer stuff can be skipped.]

Disrespectfully submitted,

12 Reasons Why I Never Wash (or Go to Meetings)

1. I was forced to wash as a child and now I am afraid of soap and water.
2. People who wash are hypocrites—they think they are cleaner than others.
3. There are so many kinds of soap, I could never decide which one was right.
4. I used to wash—but it got boring.
5. I don’t have to wash. I am not as dirty as you.
6. None of my friends wash—besides, I have A.D.D.
7. I’ll start washing when I am older. I am not really that dirty yet.
8. I don’t have time to wash.
9. The bathroom isn’t warm enough / air conditioned / big enough (pick any excuse).
10. The people who make soap are only after my money.
11. What? People might find out that I wash!
12. What good does it do? I’ll only get dirty again.

The application is obvious. The excuses for not attending meetings are as endless as they are weak. Call your sponsor before you get dirty, not after.

(For an explanation of Rule #62, see the AA Twelve and Twelve, p. 149 – Ed.)