At my first meeting of Sexaholics Anonymous, I heard someone read “The Problem,” and I knew that I was in the right place. In the White Book Roy wrote:

8. Use the literature of the program. The Twelve and Twelve and Alcoholics Anonymous were my first guides in working the Steps. Again and again, I found what I needed in those original documents that launched the Twelve Step program. Many of us now find that working the principles outlined in our SA literature adds another dimension and is very helpful (SA 161).

In my experience, the White Book describes my sexaholism in a way that allows me to identify myself as a sexaholic. Reading the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous), with a sponsor, allows me to see the similarities between my addiction to lust and the alcoholic’s addiction to alcohol, and shows me a program of action that will expel the obsession and enable me to live happily and usefully whole.

When I start with a newcomer, I have them start reading the White Book from the title page through chapter 1, “To The Newcomer,” and the section “Lust” on pages 41 & 42. Then, we review the reading line by line and I ask them if this describes their problem and relationship with lust. Do they feel inadequate, unworthy, alone and afraid? Is sex with self or partners other than the spouse progressively addictive and destructive? Are they a sexaholic, as described in the book?

If the answer is no, I encourage and help them to find the Fellowship (SAA, SLAA, etc.) that shares their problem.

If the answer is yes, I have them read the chapter “The Sobriety Definition.” I explain (as the book does) that our experience has taught us that this is the solution that works for sexaholics in SA. We have no “plan B,” no successful experience with any other solution.

Now I ask the critical question: “Do you want what we have, and are you willing to go to any lengths to get it?”

If the answer is no, I encourage them to seek someone who has been successful with another solution.

If the answer is yes, I have them read the chapter, “Overcoming Lust and Temptation,” underlining or highlighting every prayer they find. Then, we review the chapter together and I have them describe precisely how each of the 18 points applies to their sexaholism. For example: #1 Describe their compulsion; #2 How do they feed their obsession? etc.

Then I have them write each of the prayers that resonate with them on an index card, laminate the card, and carry the card everywhere they go. Whenever they are tempted, I suggest they pull the card out and begin praying before they start drinking in the person, image, etc. This is the first serious test of their willingness to go to any lengths.

If they follow the instructions in the 18-Wheeler, they are now equipped with the tools to keep them sober long enough to work the Steps to have the vital spiritual experience sufficient to overcome sexaholism.

Next, we begin reading “The Doctor’s Opinion” in the Big Book. I ask them if Dr. Silkworth’s description of the allergy, the phenomenon of craving, describes their experience with lust. I share my own experience with the craving for more and more lust, once I take the first drink. Then, I have them read “Bill’s Story” and “A Personal Story” and ask them to note any similar experiences, especially similar feelings. I ask them to note if there is anything Bill and Roy did to recover that they are not willing to do. If there is, I ask them if they prefer the misery and eventual death from their sexaholism to taking the actions of our program of recovery. Personally, I am willing to move forward with an individual who is ready to take the next step. I recall that when I was at Step 1, I was terrified by the prospect of God, but after working Steps 1 and 2, Step 3 was less overwhelming.

At this point, I ask them to read Step 1 in Step Into Action (SIA), and begin writing Step 1 as outlined, using the questions to guide their preparation of the inventory. I ask them to read the chapters in the White Book: “The Problem” and “The Solution” through to page 88 as they begin writing their Step 1 inventory. We also read together chapters 2 and 3 in the Big Book, which describe the obsession. When they have completed writing their First Step inventory, we review it, and I encourage them to share it with their home group in a special First Step meeting. This may be a breakout meeting in a larger group, or a special meeting before or after the regular meeting for a smaller group. The details are a matter for the group conscience.

I also use SIA for Step 2. I found the process helped me see where I acquired my old ideas about God and develop a new conception that might allow me to recover. Once we have reviewed the instructions and they begin writing the Step 2 exercise, we begin reading chapter 3 in the Big Book and Step Two in the White Book. When they have completed the writing, we review it and I help them write a concise description of their conception of the Power that will guide them in their new life. They are now ready for Step 3.

From this point, the instructions in SIA and the Big Book are nearly identical. I find the questions in SIA help identify the manifestations of self that each Step is addressing. By using the White Book, the Big Book, and Step into Action, together, a person can see how to work through the program of recovery developed by Alcoholics Anonymous 80 years ago and apply it to overcome sexaholism. Sponsoring others keeps me going through the literature regularly, and answering questions from my sponsees pushes me to re-examine my beliefs and strengthens my connection with my Creator.

Discussion Topic

How are you using the literature of the program?

The author of this article shares how he guides his sponsees through the 12 Steps, carefully following the program literature. This practice helps him stay engaged with the material on a regular basis.

How are you incorporating our literature into your own recovery? How has it supported your recovery? Do you use it when working with your sponsees?

Send a story of your own recovery journey to essay@sa.org.