“It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us. If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong also” (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 90).

“We’d rather believe such outbursts are simply results of what others are doing to us, unwilling to see that we think and act badly because there’s something wrong inside us. As though bitter waters can spring up from a pure well” (Sexaholics Anonymous, page 88).

For the last two years or so, I have had trouble reading from the Twelve and Twelve which contains the first quote. I interpreted “…something wrong with us…” to mean I was this cruel and evil person who ought to be ostracized by the human race for all eternity. I thought it was unfair to say that it was wrong for me to be sore because someone else committed hurtful actions against me.

However, I was blessed with an epiphany this morning. I was reading from the section of Sexaholics Anonymous which discusses the First Step when I encountered the second quote. I was particularly struck by the part where it says that I THINK and ACT BADLY because there is something wrong INSIDE me.

In other words, my personality needs to be remodeled and this can be accomplished by working this program of recovery. Also, my character defects do not disqualify me from the human race. According to the White Book, “It’s okay to be absolutely powerless over self. This is where we join the human race” (page 88). It turns out that this admission is the key to overcoming all of my character defects.

Why did I ever interpret this statement from the Twelve and Twelve the way that I did? When I was younger, my father would berate me for anything I did that he thought was wrong. He basically condemned me instead of my actions. As a result, I did not think there was a difference between what I did (actions) and who I was (self).

Thank God for the epiphany and providing a way to recover from my character defects which are responsible for my emotional insobriety. This insobriety is similar to my sexual insobriety which brought me to this program in the first place. The way I recovered from my sexual insobriety was working the Steps. It is my hope that the Steps will also provide the way to emotional sobriety.