Step Three: Made a Decision to Turn Our Will and Our Lives Over to the Care of God as We Understood Him.

The Third Step prayer reads: “God, I offer myself to Thee—to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy will always!” (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 63).

As in all the Steps, this one works if I work it. I can get so wrapped up in myself sometimes, and this Step is a terrific way to counteract those selfish attitudes. If I can think in terms of what He wants, if I can keep my focus on Him, I can keep out of that craziness that’s inside my head a lot of the time.

“… to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt.” That’s such an important sentiment—I am His clay to be molded. “How may I serve Thee?” “What can I do for you, God?” “I want to do ——, but I want to make sure it is okay with you—is it?” When I’m centered on my spiritual life and not practicing lust in any of its forms, these questions arise easily and frequently. It’s the best guide for all those thousands of miniature decisions I make throughout my day.

My sponsor reminded me several times of an important quote from our literature: “In fact, the effectiveness of the whole… program will rest upon how well and earnestly we have tried to come to a ‘decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him’” (Twelve and Twelve, pp. 34-35).

.  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .

Sometimes I say that doing the Third Step just means going on with Steps Four through Twelve. But these days I find that doing the Third Step is just, well, doing the Third Step. Sounds complicated? I ask God to let me open my heart to the willingness to do His will, open my heart to His love and His grace, open my heart to the solution. I remind myself in prayer throughout the day that the solution is right under my nose, and I beg God to let me see and accept it. As a rule, my pride stands in the way of these wonderful gifts—grace, love, the solution. So I beg God to let me open my heart despite my pride and my fear. And it works.

.  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .

The members leading the SA conference at Sacramento made an interesting choice of closing every meeting with the Third Step prayer. It helped me to surrender some things that could have made the conference an unpleasant experience. I was able to let go of the notion that anything I believed, thought or said was going to change anyone’s mind about the meaning of our sobriety definition. Subsequently I was able to let go of the fear that only one particular outcome of the controversy could be in the best interests of the Fellowship. Finally I was able to let go of the notion that my opinion of the sobriety definition is more important than my sobriety and recovery.

In fact I am in the process of seeking God’s point of view as a result of asking Him so often to relieve me of the bondage of self and to take away my difficulties. I know He will constantly disclose more to me as I put my own house in order.

I choose to believe that God has a way to provide us with the unity that is essential to the most important purpose of our Fellowship—to carry the message to sexaholics who are still suffering. It will no doubt require us to give up more of ourselves.